October 11, 2013

Thank you all again SO, SO much for your thoughts, prayers, texts, balloons, and messages. We could never thank you enough. They are working their magic, because Anna is doing much better today. Around midnight, she really started to perk up. Was laughing and smiling like crazy for an hour, slept good, and managed to take a few bottles.

Quick update:

She's happy. Huge breakthrough because we haven't seen her happy for more than 5 minutes since we got here. They have taken her off IV fluids - yay! This is the first step to getting her home.

Even though they still don't know what caused the buildup of fluid in her brain, they are still able to send her home, with the understanding that if she shows any signs of pressure that we're to bring her straight back. I feel uneasy about that, but what can I do? They can at least tell me that fluid buildup is treated with a shunt, which is what she has; they just can't say if there's some mystery diagnosis out there with other nuances that they can't predict. But we just have to hope and pray that is not the case.

What we need to work on:

~ When she sleeps, her oxygen levels dip lower than they'd like (which could possibly be due to her choanal atresia) so right now she has a nasal canula in. I don't know if they'll let us go home if she's still dipping low, but they don't seem too concerned about it.

~ She needs to be off IV fluids for 24 hours AND eating normally. She's taking bottles but is having a hard time nursing, I think because she's uncomfortable. If I had two big valves in my head and two incisions in my belly, I'd be uncomfortable too. But as long as she's eating in some way we can go home.

So, if she can overcome those few things, we can go home as early as tomorrow. I want that more than anything in the entire world.

On a personal note, I feel so guilty for complaining, but this whole process is really hard. When she gets better I get better, but sometimes you can't help but question why this is happening to your family. I wonder why other people can lead normal lives all the time, and never have to go through things like this. I feel like our family has been tested more than others, and I'm not sure why. I know we can handle it, and I know we can get through this, but man, this journey is rough. Sometimes I literally want to stomp my foot on the ground and say "No fair!" But that's not really going to change anything is it? So, I guess I have to be the adult in this... one of the duties you taken on when you decide to become a parent.

My brother is getting married next Saturday, and I feel sick at the thought that we could miss his wedding. I want to go back to our normal lives so badly. I miss Emerson. I miss my house. I miss my job. I miss my bed. I miss all of the wonderful parts of my life that are not here in this hospital.

I appreciate all of you caring about Anna, and sending your positive thoughts her way. Though I'm having a hard time letting go of the "Why us?" mentality, this experience has also made me realize that MY GOODNESS do we have amazing people in our lives. We must not be terribly bad people when we have the support system we do. So in that sense, I guess we can consider ourselves pretty lucky.