Friday, July 27, 2012

I get it now

As a mommy-to-be, I constantly wondered what my parenting style would be. I read all the books, blogs, and boards; I talked to friends, co-workers, random moms on the street. By the time Em was born, I had a list of convictions I felt strongly about, as well as a list of things that I would "never" do as a mom.

You see, before you are a mom yourself, you would like to believe that you're never going to be one of those moms that cause others to roll their eyes and want to cauterize their ovaries so they don't become smug like you.

On my shortlist, I have:
  • I will never own a minivan
  • I will never put my child or someone's else child down for being less/more advanced than the other 
  • I will not worry and panic about things that my doctor says are absolutely normal 
  • I will never take my child for granted or joke that they are a burden on me. There are thousands, probably millions of women who would give anything to be in my shoes.
And so far, I have stuck with all of these convictions and upheld them. (I do wake up in a cold sweat thinking about how convenient a minivan would be - must banish those thoughts).

But there is one conviction I had before coming a mom that has been absolutely obliterated:

  • I will not be one of "those" moms who whips out pictures of her child without being prompted.
We've all been there... random people who you barely know will practically set up a projector and show you all 897 pictures from their family vacation. You smile and nod graciously, all the while wanting to stab your eyeballs out with a pencil and praying that they'll pick up on your boredom.

Before becoming a mom, I avoided those people at all costs. Why should I care about every little nuance of your child's life??? Well, the fact is... I shouldn't. Or at least, I don't need to. I found this behavior to be arrogant and annoying. Like really, why should I care that your kid is so great??? I loved all of my friends babies, and I was obsessed with my own nieces and nephews, but strangers?? Stay the hell away.

The point of all of this is to tell you:

I have become one of those moms.

If Emerson somehow comes up in conversation, I will take the opportunity to show you how adorable she is. I have (literally) 897 pictures of her on my phone. Want to see her sleeping?? Got it. Eating peas?? Got it. As a 1 month old?? Got it.

I'm not expecting anything in return. You don't need to tell me how cute she is. She's my daughter, and I will always love her and think she's more perfect than anyone else possibly could. I don't need validation that my baby is awesome - I know she is.

On the flip side, I will dote on anyone's pictures at any time now. They are proud parents, just like me, and even if I don't know you, I actually care. I am happy you're so happy, and that you have a beautiful family. Seeing how much these other moms love their kiddos honestly brings me so much happiness, because it reminds me there are other people in the world who understand how I feel about my sweet little girl.

I can't really explain what compels me to do this... pride, joy, unconditional love - a combination of all 3 no doubt. But I seriously cannot help myself. I went through hell to be able to bring this beautiful girl into the world, and dammit, if I want to shout it from the mountaintops, so be it. And I don't care if you don't care because I will show you anyway. I have endured childbirth - I deserve this.

So for those of you out there who are still in the eye-rolling, why-is-that-mom-so-smug stage, heed this warning... it will happen to you. And that's okay. Some people will be annoyed by you, others will ignore or avoid you, and others who "get it" will sit patiently as you show off your pride and joy, because they love you and are happy for you.

And on that note, here ya go:

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

7 months

My darling girl,

Do you ever have those moments when you really stop to take it all in and realize "HOLY COW. Where has the time gone????" I realize you don't now, but someday, when you're reading this an adult, I know you'll know what I mean.

When I put that little 7 month sticker on your outfit the other day, I was taken aback by the realization that you are almost a year old. You are closer to a year old than a newborn. That is just bananas.

This month has been amazing (as they all have of course). You continue to bring the utmost joy into our lives and the lives of those around you. Your smile is electric, and your face lights up at the simplest of things.
In 7 month huge, monumental, earthshattering news (at least to me), you cut your first teeth!!!! Yeah, one day you didn't have them and the next day I came home and your babysitter had pointed it out to daddy. That's right, something huge happened to you and I didn't even notice. And yes, you are still nursing, so I assumed I would be the very first person to know. Nope. You just sprouted those chompers like a champ, and *fingers crossed* did it without any crazy fussing or tears. I had braced myself for the scary "teething" stage, but you breezed through it like "NBD, I got this mommy." I'm so proud of you sweets!
I swear you are days away from walking. Not crawling. I think you've decided crawling is for babies, because when we put you on your belly, you'll do a bunch of yoga poses and play for awhile, but then you get tired and just roll over. If there's a toy you want across the room, you will literally roll to get it, rather than attempt crawling. I don't blame you though... you don't want to get your outfit dirty. I can empathize.
However, you love "walking" in which me or daddy take your hands and you take steps toward whatever conquest you would like to challenge next. You get SO excited, like you realize how cool walking is and just want to keep doing it. However, kiddo, you are only 7 months and very wobbly, plus you are my little baby and I am just not ready for you to be walking. Babies don't walk. I need more time!!!

 You love everything. If there is something within your reach, you will do whatever it takes to get it in your hands, and then promptly in your mouth. Hence why you are always surrounded with safe, sanitized toys (we call them "distractions") so you can have your cake and eat it too.
You are seriously, unequivocally, ridiculously, so gosh darn happy all the time. You just think everything is funny and enjoyable. I want to be like you when I grow up. One of my biggest hopes for you is that you never lose that smile, and that happiness that radiates from within. I just want you to be happy, this happy, always. Right now, you know nothing bad or sad. And it won't be like that forever, which I hate, but you'll also become even more of your own person with each experience, which I love.
You are still loving food, and you even drink out of a sippy cup now! I'm not sure how much actual water you get out of it (it can't be much) but you love using it so we'll keep that going! You've tried sweet potatoes, squash, carrots, peas, peaches, apples, and zucchini. You love everything, which I hope continues because I love the idea that you'll have a natural craving for fresh fruits and veggies and tell me McDonalds sucks. A mom can dream can't she???
I say this every month, but I just wish I could freeze time so you could be like this forever. Every month, every stage daddy and I say "This is our favorite stage" but then each month gets trumped by the next. I am starting to realize that I'll love every month more than the one before, only because it's been one more month that I get to share my life with you. Which makes my life exponentially better than it was before you arrived (and it was pretty darn perfect before, so that's saying alot).

You are sweet. You are perfect. You are loved.



Friday, July 20, 2012

Friday's Letters

Dear Magic Mike. Um. Wow. I. Just. It was. Um. Yep. There we go. Dear Dude with this license plate at movie theater.
You are awesome. Dear scale: Thank you for being a friend this week. You so rarely bring me the good news. Dear Tone It Up! protein pancake: You are surprisingly delicious. Well done. Dear Coffee Mate Natural Bliss Caramel coffee creamer: You are giving Cinnabon a run for it's money. I'm impressed. Dear universe: Thank you for bringing us some amazing news today. I want to kiss you. Can you kiss the universe???!?! Dear weekend: Thank you for requiring zero obligations so that I can simply spend time with my sweet girl. Dear friends: Thank you for making the Magic Mike experience that much more enjoyable with your commentary: "Why are you scowling??? Just look at your life." Dear Husband: Don't fret. I won't be leaving you for Channing Tatum. I know you were worried.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Awkward and Awesome Thursday


This morning, I gave myself a little spritz of perfume before heading out the door. Too late, I noticed that some of the perfume air had fallen into my open coffee cup below. I smelled the cup. Yup. It smelled like Chanel Chance. Did I make the decision to drink perfume-laden coffee rather than waste one precious drop? You bet your ass I did.

I cannot get the lyrics right to save my life. Of any song. Thanks to Spotify, I constantly have a song in my head now. And I sound like a moron. Ask Jon how well I can sing the song "Sugar, We're Going Down." My interpretation is.... creative to say the least.

I must have a giant sign on my forehead that says "Sucker." A man at the grocery store struck up a conversation with me about peaches. Yes, peaches. Rather than be rude, I rambled off a few things that I know about peaches. Which didn't take long. Then the man preceded to tell me he hadn't showered in 4 days, rubbed his hair into my cart to show me the dirt that came out of his hair, and asked me to use my debit card to get cash when I checked out and give it to him so he could get on the bus. That happened.

I walked around for God-knows how long yesterday with a huge black thing in between my teeth. No one told me. Neat.

I don't even remember eating something black yesterday. Should I be alarmed???

On any given day, I tell/make about 10 jokes. Of those 10, I am the only one laughing about 4-5 times. I feel like this is an improvement. 5 years ago I was batting about 1 out of 10.


My hair doesn't look frizzy for the first time all week. Amazing what spending more than 20 seconds with a hair straightener can do.

My daughter is the best sleeper in the world (who wudda thunk it?!) I love watching her on the monitor, so cozy, mouth wide open, butt in the air, hand by her face. She looks so peaceful, which makes me feel peaceful.

My friend sent me this outfit from Zulily. I could die. So cute. So perfect. So true. I have a sickness.

I weighed myself this morning and have lost 3 lbs since my last weigh-in. Saaaaawheeet!!!!!!!

I could have WAY more awkward moments listed, but I don't want to scare you. They'll come in due time my friend.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

So What! Wednesday

Well hey there friends!!!

Today I'm saying "So What!" if...

I've had radio silence on this blog lately. I just have nothing interesting to say. Even though most of the time what I write on here isn't all that interesting, I just felt like the internet needed a break from my ramblings.

I'm going to see Magic Mike tomorrow. It will be awesomely bad, but I'm even more excited to hang out with my lady friends who I haven't seen in forevs.

I like shortening all my sentences a la Penny Harts from Happy Endings. Me, Penny, and Emma Stone are all long lost sisters - they just don't know it yet. For realz.

I'm strangely curious about the baby bloom that is sure to come thanks to this steamy summer and it's 50 Shades of Magic Mike

I'm 28 and I want to buy eye cream. I am terrified that 4.5 months of sleep deprivation have wreaked havoc on my face and given me wrinkles.

I have run 3 half marathons, and yet am resorting to the Couch to 5k program. My running has been SLACKING lately and I need to pick it back up. Where is my motivation??? Probably at the bottom of that there M&M bag.

I am OBSESSED with The Bachelorette franchise and just want the finale to be here right now. Does Emily pick cute hipster Jef (with one F, because having two f's is so yesterday) or Arie, the smooth operator who fills awkward silences by attacking Emily's mouth??!?! I need to know.

I have only recently discovered Spotify, and I shudder at the thought of how much music I have been missing out on because of my naivete. Why am I always tardy to the party when it comes to awesome things??? Shame on me. 

I'm so happy for Katie Holmes. No woman should have to wear flats if she doesn't want to. Or worship aliens.

In other non-So What news, I just found out that I won Shannon's GroopDealz Target giveaway!!! I never win anything (ok ok, except a book contest in kindergarten and homecoming queen in college. Literally the only two things I've ever "won"). Thank you Shannon and GroopDealz - Momma is going SHOPPING!!!

What are you saying So What! to today?!?

Friday, July 13, 2012

So it's Friday the 13th

And I have a stomach bug.


I don't normally believe in Friday the 13th hype, but the coincidence is interesting.

Oh, and Jon has it too. But way worse.

Rather than go into the details, I'll just say "See you next week when I feel better"

Have a great weekend everybody!

Thursday, July 12, 2012

I just....

.....have no words. This little baby took them all. 

Notice how worked up she gets. I'd like to think it was either: 
a) She is mad at her fingers for not being candy bars 
b) She wishes she was saying "Mama"  instead of "Dadadadadada"

If it's a, I will try not to take it personally.

Monday, July 9, 2012

Love equals...

Spending a relaxing weekend with my sweet girl. How can someone so tiny bring so much joy into our lives???

I don't know how she does it, but it's working.

Friday, July 6, 2012

Friday's Letters

My first "Friday's Letters" link up! Here we go!

Dear place of employment: Thank you for letting me work from home on Fridays. I am so much more productive when I don't have to shower. Dear electricity: You are amazing. Dear Cinnabon coffee creamer: Please tell me you're not laced with crack because I just can't quit you. Dear Emerson: Thank you for being the happiest baby ever, and for sleeping 13 hours last night. You're the best around. Dear Mother Nature: Cool it. I mean that literally and figuratively. Dear yesterday: You felt like Monday. It was awesome that you were not. Dear working out: I wish I liked you more. Dear Kindle Fire: I wish I liked you less. Dear Twitter: I'm embarrassed that I've only recently discovered how awesome you are.

I hope you all find some way to stay cool this weekend - it's gonna be a scorcher. Swell. At least it's not snowing.

It's all about perspective.

Happy Friday!!!

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Independence Day

We're back on line!!!!!!

After 5 days of no power, the gods decided to smile down on Bexley, Ohio and restore our electricity. 

I cannot, in any way, articulate how grateful I am for electricity.

I realize that this is a truly first world problem, and part of me dies inside for complaining about it since a) It could be worse - way worse b) At least we have a home in which to lose electricity and c) At least we have the money to pay our electric bill.

However, I am still thankful that my life and routine have been restored. In honor of Independence day, I have realized I am absolutely positively 100% dependent on electricity. My sisters-in-law have very graciously hosted us for the past week, but I was just SO READY to be home. In my own bed. Not living out of suitcase. And with Emerson in her own crib, not a Pack n Play. I mean, wouldn't you want to come home and rest in a bed like this????
Our holiday was low key but lovely. We slept in, and then went to a friends house to watch the Worthington Hills July 4th parade. It was hotter than Hades, but it was fun nonetheless. However, I was left wondering..... how does one get "in" a parade?? Seriously, the parade was the most random cast of characters - next year can I just show up in a convertible with a little sign on it and some candy and be granted the privilege of waving to the neighborhood??? I don't get it...
Then we had a cookout at Lindsay's house, where Jon made the most amazing brats cooked in Yuengling. Oh Mylanta, they were good. I may have had two. I feel like holidays are exempt for feeling guilt about eating something with a synthetic casing. Yep.
I can also say that I did not see one firework this year. By the time we got home, we were all exhausted and I just wanted to go to bed. This idea was thwarted  by the fireworks show going on half a mile from us. I love our little town, but at the moment I wanted to kick someone. BOOM BOOM BOOM. Don't these people understand I have to work tomorrow?!? BOOM BOOM BOOM.  It was so loud I could hear the fireworks through Em's monitor. I watched with bated breath, thinking there was no way she wouldn't wake up - but sweet princess surprised us and slept right through it... WIN!

All in all, we had a darn good 4th, considering the circumstances. Maybe next year when Em goes to bed later than 6:30pm we can take her to the fireworks instead of praying she doesn't hear them. Either way, every holiday is that much better now that she's here :)

Monday, July 2, 2012


This pretty much sums up my mood today.

We lost power last night around 6:15pm, and my poor sweet girl was MISERABLE.

It was hot, sticky, and way too quiet. Everyone in our little family sleeps with a white noise machine playing all night long, and every single creek in the floorboards woke the poor girl up.

Finally, after 10:30pm and a overtired baby in her diaper and no pjs later, I packed a bag and headed to my sister's house, and we both managed to get some sleep. Her more than me... I'm working on about 4.5 hours, which I haven't felt since we did sleep training, and boy... I do NOT miss this sleep-deprived haze.

Still, we thrive on routine, and having to throw Em off her schedule gave me the mommy sads. She just looked so tired, but then this morning gave me huge smiles and cuddles, so I don't think she'll hold it against me.

So rather than complain for several more paragraphs, I'll just say that today I am grateful for:

- Cinnabon coffee creamer. Just as I am everyday.
- The employees of American Electric Power, for working their ASSESS off to restore power to 750,000 people in the eastern United States
- My Kindle Fire, for being the only source of light whilst packing my bag last night, because our one candle burned out and our phones were dead. Womp womp.
- Emerson, for being such a good sport and still smiling when all I wanted to do was cry
- My sister in law for being so accommodating when she was about to go in for a 12 hour overnight shift. I am so grateful that I am going to buy her a honeymoon to Bermuda. Oh wait... we already did that ;-) More on that later.

Hope those of you without power are hanging in there... then again, if you don't have power, you're probably not reading this, so you don't know that I feel for you.

Happy Monday! It's Monday.