Happy things

I miss Jon. A LOT. I realized through the last 28 days that I completely take for granted how much he does for us. He is very hands-on, and I should be eternally grateful for how helpful and supportive he is.

But the good news is.... HE'LL BE HOME IN 58 HOURS!!!!! Only 58 hours separates me from the love of my life. I feel like I've done nothing but bitch and whine for the last month, and so for the next 58 hours, I'm only going to talk about happy, positive things.

For instance.... Emerson's first birthday party is on Saturday. I am more excited than she is. Probably because she has no idea what's going on. But she has a BIG surprise for daddy, and I hope she's as excited to see him as I am. I just can't wait to gather together to celebrate her 12 months here. (Sob - how is she almost a one year old? Ok, sticking to happy things).

What a big girl! I've had so much fun planning little details for her party. I originally thought I wanted a Nutcracker theme, to go with a December birthday but not be focused on Christmas, but holy crap, have you ever looked at one of those things up close???

That is freaking terrifying.

So I picked a less-frightening, but still seasonally appropriate theme of "Winter Ballerina." I found tons of pictures and ideas on Pinterest for inspiration, basically pinning anything that was a combo of pink and white or looked winter-y but not Christmas-y.

Source: chinupbuttercu-p.tumblr.com via Audra on Pinterest

Source: howdoesshe.com via Audra on Pinterest

Source: hwtm.com via Audra on Pinterest

Source: shoptomkat.com via Audra on Pinterest

Source: louandjane.blogspot.com via Audra on Pinterest

Source: catchmyparty.com via Audra on Pinterest

Source: hostessblog.com via Audra on Pinterest

Source: Uploaded by user via Elisabeth on Pinterest

Sidenote to moms out there... Do you ever stop and think: "Holy crap, I have a child." I'm planning a birthday party for the CHILD that is mine? My child. MY baby. I have a baby. Sometimes I blink and think "Wasn't I just in middle school?" and now I have a daughter. Life is crazy/beautiful.

Abandonment Issues

Remember this post about trying to get Emerson to say "Mama" and totally failing???

Well, with Jon gone, we are having the total opposite problem in our house. I have an irrational justifiable fear that she is experiencing baby abandonment issues. And here's why:

When I leave the room, girlfriend goes NUTS.

If she's with her babysitter, she's fine. If I'm not there when she wakes up, she's fine. But if I have the audacity to leave her, even for a moment, she will cry and sing a chorus of "Mamamamamamamamamama" and strike a dagger into my heart. And then when I return she clings to me as if I'm going to leave her forever. Don't get me wrong, I will take any baby cuddle any time, but it's still heartbreaking. She has never been a clingy baby, just happy and snuggly, and I really think Jon's absence is affecting her.

In fact, this morning I heard her stirring and went upstairs to get her. Normally she's content to play in her crib til kingdom come/until I pick her up, but today she wakes up, stands up, and immediately starts whimpering "Mamamamamamama" Tears. "Mamamamamamamama." I pick her up. She lays her head on my chest as the whimpers quiet down.

Ugh, it kills me.

Jon will be home next Friday, and it can't come soon enough. The FaceTime thing is just not cutting it. I write about this here because I don't want to tell him (and Lord knows he doesn't read my blog - good thing, he'd probably be mortified), because I know he'd feel bad.

So, because it's what I do, I'll go ahead and look on the sunny side.... at least she's saying mama???

 

May 9 in numbers

 3 years

1 beautiful rainbow baby girl

1 perfect angel baby boy

14 months of pregnancy

1 mortgage

6 months of unemployment

5 jobs/promotions/career moves

3 cars

2 sibling engagements

2.5 nieces/nephews born

2190 "I love yous"

3285 kisses

100,000 tears shed for baby Jack

27 dinners ruined/overcooked/burned

1,000 bad jokes told

5,000+ laughs shared

A million memories made.... and a lifetime of memories ahead

Happy anniversary to the greatest person I know.

99 things

Is anyone else having the busiest May in history??!?!!

I feel like this month is already flying by, and there's just a little too much going on. What happened to the days of having lots of free time?? Oh, that's right. They are off in a land where I still have a 25 inch waist and no responsibilities.

Anywhoo, I saw this 99 things post on Megan's blog and thought I'd give it a go since I have some new "friends" who've recently joined me. Including a new friend from New Zealand! :-)

This little survey thing is neato because it brings back lots of memories, and points out a few things that I'll need to add to my bucket list (the ones that aren't in bold). Annnnnd here we go!!

1. Started your own blog
~ Nope. This is not a blog. You are currently reading an excerpt from a literary journal on the current state of the economy of Turkey. You are also getting verrrry sleeeeepy.

2. Slept under the stars



~ Bahamas, Spring Break 2006 - my first kiss with my now husband :)

3. Played in a band
~ Does Rock Band on XBox count? Because I play a wicked guitar

4. Visited Hawaii

5. Watched a meteor shower
~ I don't know if this counts, but in Colorado I counted 20 shooting stars in one evening - gorgeous. Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars??

6. Given more than you can afford to charity
~ Yes, but at the time it was only $50, but for a broke college student that was way more than I could afford

7. Been to Disneyland
~ I've been to Disneyland Paris, that counts right??

 8. Climbed a mountain
~ In West Virginia and Colorado - booyah!

9. Held a praying mantis
~ I'm good on this one

10. Sang a solo

Everyday in the shower. And once for a tryout in choir in 6th grade. Spoiler alert... I didn't get it because I can't sing. Huh.

11. Bungee jumped

12. Visited Paris
~ Back in 2003 with my brother Adam - we had a blast practicing our high school French skills. I was better than he was. Truth.

13. Watched a lightening storm
~ Lots of times from our front porch

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch

15. Adopted a child
~ I had an egg baby in 8th grade health class. I dropped it.

16. Had food poisoning
~ Yes, and it sucks @$.

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
~ Been there, have no interest in going to the top because I hate crowds.

18. Grown your own vegetables
~ Sort of. We want to start a vegetable garden, but we might have to stick with just herbs this year since we're a little late in the game!

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
~ On said trip with bro back in 2003. What was she smirking about I wonder?? The actual painting is much smaller in person than I though it would be.

20. Slept on an overnight train
~ Again, on the trip with my brother, we took a train from Nice, France to Rome. It was pretty cool in an Agatha Christie, European kind of way.

21. Had a pillow fight
~ Yes, and I always lose. I'm not aggressive enough.

22. Hitch hiked
~ No, because I live in America and I don't want to be axe-murdered.

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill

24. Built a snow fort

25. Held a lamb

26. Gone skinny dipping

27. Run a Marathon
~ I've run 3 half marathons, so basically that means I've run a marathon and a half.

28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice

29. Seen a total eclipse
~ Of the heart.

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
~ In the Bahamas from aforementioned spring break trip. Now that I think back on it, I'm glad we weren't picked up for being drifters. But it was one of the greatest experiences of my life :)

31. Hit a home run
~ Yeah right

32. Been on a cruise
~ Not a real one, but we did a 6 hour cruise to and from the Bahamas. I would LOVE to do a European and an Alaskan cruise.

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
~ Yep. They are neat.

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
~ My maiden name is English, and I've been to England. So that counts.

35. Seen an Amish community
~ They make some delicious cheese!

36. Taught yourself a new language
~ I do want to try Rosetta Stone some day - I've heard it's legit

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
~ Again, yeah right.

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person

39. Gone rock climbing
~ In West Virginia

40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
~ Not yet - Florence is on my bucket list fo sho!

41. Sung karaoke
~ Way more often than I should

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt



43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
~ Some rich dude bought us a bottle of wine at Hyde Park on Jon's birthday though!

44. Visited Africa

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
~ In the Bahamas and in Florida.... ooh la la!

46. Been transported in an ambulance
~ When I sprained my ankle in my very first (and last) game of intramural soccer

47. Had your portrait painted

48. Gone deep sea fishing

49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
~ Yep. It is incredible.

 50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
~ Been to the Eiffel tower, not to the top because again, I hate crowds. Here is the proof:



51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
~ In Key Largo. And I threw up everything I had in my system. I have no interest in experiencing that again.

52. Kissed in the rain
~ The hubs and I have had some romantic moments ;-)

53. Played in the mud
~ Mud pit. Summer camp. 1992.

54. Gone to a drive-in theater
~ It's been awhile, but I can't wait to take Emerson.

 55. Been in a movie
~ My brother is an independent filmmaker, and I played the bit part of bitchy ex-girlfriend of the main character in one of his short films.

56. Visited the Great Wall of China

57. Started a business
~ I would love to open my own froyo shop!

58. Taken a martial arts class

59. Visited Russia

60. Served at a soup kitchen

61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies

62. Gone whale watching

63. Got flowers for no reason
~ I love looking at flowers, but I truly believe they are a colossal waste of money. They die in a week!

64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
~ A few times, and I always turn yellow. I truly hate doing it, I won't lie.

65. Gone sky diving

66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp

67. Bounced a check
~ But I've over-drafted multiple times!

68. Flown in a helicopter

69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
~ My favorite toys as a child were books, because I am a huge nerd. R.L. Stine anyone??



70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
~ He looks so honest from way down there.

71. Eaten Caviar
~ No, I can put away a boatload of sushi though!

72. Pieced a quilt

73. Stood in Times Square

74. Toured the Everglades
~ And I received 67 mosquito bites on one leg as a reward. That is not a typo.

75. Been fired from a job
~ This is my worst professional fear; failing an exam comes in close second. Again, big nerd!

76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London



~ Yes. This isn't it, obviously, but this guy let me take a picture with him.

77. Broken a bone
~ Nope - I drink lots of milk!

78. Been a passenger on a motorcycle
~ And I have zero interest in riding on one of those two-wheeled death machines again!

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person

80. Published a book

81. Visited the Vatican
~ It is massive and beautiful!

82. Bought a brand new car

I had a brand new car right after high school, which I proceeded to annihilate with my terrible driving habits.

83. Walked in Jerusalem

84. Had your picture in the newspaper
~ In our college newspaper from when I was homecoming queen. It still comes up if you Google my maiden name. And so does my unfortunate blonde highlight job.

85. Kissed a stranger at midnight on New Year’s Eve

86. Visited the White House
~ My friend Jess and I had tickets to tour the inside, but they were for 7am, so ummmmmm.... we didn't make it. But we saw the outside???

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating

88. Had chickenpox
~ They were not fun, as I recall.

89. Saved someone’s life
~ This weekend, while pulling weeds, I saw a pregnant spider. Instead of killing it, I picked it up and put it in the yard. So I not only saved her, but all of her spider babies. You're welcome, ma'am.

90. Sat on a jury
~ And you can read all about my experience here

91. Met someone famous
~ The closest I've come is that the weather lady from our local CBS affiliate goes to my OB's office and we were pregnant at the same time.

92. Joined a book club
~ And it's the best one ever! But I haven't been in several months because I, well, had a baby and all.

93. Got a tattoo




~ It looks like this and is on my hip. I want to get one for Jack too but haven't found the right one yet.

94. Had a baby
~ Emerson Elizabeth is my whole world! Jack Benjamin is the most perfect angel in heaven.

95. Seen the Alamo in person

96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake

97. Been involved in a law suit
~ I get letters for class action suits all the time. Apparently I buy products from shady companies.

98. Owned a cell phone

99. Been stung by a bee
~ On my hand on the way to Disney World when I was 8 - my hand was so swollen that I couldn't hold onto the bars on all the rides and I was terrified!

Phew!!! I am exhausted!

This Christmas

Yes, I know Christmas was almost two weeks ago. Again, I have a newborn. Priorities.

I knew it would happen, but I was so emotionally overwhelmed by the difference a year makes. Last Christmas I was so, so sad, thinking about how Jack would never get to open any presents with his family on Christmas Day. I was in no mood for celebrating.

This year, instead, I was overcome with joy at the beautiful blessing we were given. Not only to be holding my healthy, beautiful daughter in my arms, but to be able to share her with our family and everyone we love. The adage "What a difference a year makes" has never been truer for anyone, I can assure you.

Sweet Baby E got absolutely, positively SPOILED on Christmas. 90% of the boxes under the tree were for her. Let me say now that I am completely okay with this. I honestly prefer to give rather than receive, but when it comes to my daughter.... dude, it's fair game. Spoil her rotten, I don't care. We'll teach her humility, gratefulness and graciousness later on I promise.

So because I spent $28 on an outfit she would wear for only 4 hours, here are some more pictures of Emerson in her Christmas dress :)

Then once we took an appropriate (read: obscene) amount of pictures with her in it, we all switched to over to more comfortable Christmas PJs. Yes, we have matching pants. We are the coolest family on the block. Word.

After opening all of her presents, there was one tiny box that was left for me. I asked who it was from, and Jon replied "It's from Emerson." Here is what was inside:

Cue the tears. It's her birthstone. That baby, I tell you what. She is so thoughtful. It's gorgeous, and every time I look down at it I think about my sweet baby girl born in December - and her sweet father who went and picked it up for her ;-)

My other favorite gift of the night? Aunt Lindsay bought us this book:

Cute storybook, right? But when we opened it up, she had written  on the inside. Quick back-story: We went into labor at 2:00pm on a Tuesday. By 2:30, most of Jon's family had shown up and were tailgating in the waiting room. Even though they couldn't come back to the delivery room, they waited there ALL NIGHT LONG. Emerson was born at 7:48 the next morning. We couldn't have any visitors until around 9:30am. I can't believe they waited in the drab waiting room the whole time, but I was so touched by the gesture. Anywhoo, back to the book. Inside, Lindsay had written hour by hour what happened between the time we went into labor until the time Em was born, including all of the times Jon came back to give them "updates" and how everyone felt. Well, I say this like I've read it. I haven't actually been able to read everything she wrote, because just by looking at the book cover I start sobbing. Reading the title takes me right back to how I felt during labor and how emotional and amazing the experience was. Someday I'll read it, I swear. But the gesture was incredible, and I am SO happy Lindsay had the foresight to do something like this.

All in all, Christmas was a huge success. I can't wait until next year when she'll be old enough to open her own presents and interact with everyone. Now I just need to figure out how to explain Santa Claus...

Dream Laughing

For the past few nights, Jon says I've been laughing in my sleep. It's loud enough to wake him up, but apparently not loud enough for me to realize I'm doing it. So random!

What am I laughing at, I wonder?

Possible explanations I've come up with:

• Even in my sleep I still find myself hilarious
• I remembered a joke that I heard from earlier in the day, and my subconscious is the only part of me that "got it"
• The baby is kicking me and I am finding it adorable, once again because even my subconscious thinks the baby is adorable
• I've been having funny dreams that I don't remember

Either way, I guess it can't be a bad thing.

And just for laughs, check this You Tube fave out:

Reasons to Smile

When I went back to work after losing Jack, I knew it would be tough. So for about a month, I decided to remind myself of all the reasons why I was still blessed. I started a personal "Reasons to Smile" initiative, and it really did help.

These days, it's hard for me to do anything but smile, but I thought it would be good for me to show just how far we've come over the last year. So here we are, Audra's Reasons to Smile, September 2011:

This guy

My goodness, I love this man. I don't know how else to explain it, but we really are just a perfect match. He always does and says the right thing; he makes me laugh till I cry; he never makes me cry in the "bad way"; he respects me; he thanks me; he takes care of me.... and to top it all off, the way he interacts with our daughter is the most heartwarming feeling I could ever experience. I have never seen someone so excited to be a father, and I'm so happy that he is the father of my children. I must have done something right in my life, snagging this handsome fella. I hope some day our baby girl realizes how lucky she is to have him as a father. I have no doubt she will.

My new job

Though I was sad to leave all of my friends and coworkers, I am 3 weeks in and still loving my new job. The shorter commute, flexible schedule, and salary increase were certainly nice, but more than anything I am loving the potential that this new position has. I get to make it my own, and build a program from the ground up. It's an amazing opportunity, and I know I am extremely fortunate that they hired me, baby bump and all.

Baby showers!

My amazing family members have planned two baby showers for me in the month of October, the first being this weekend. I am one of those people who does not like to receive gifts. It's not like I am not grateful; I just feel really, really bad when someone does something for me, when they could have saved their money for themselves. Despite what you may experience from time to time, there really are some selfless and giving people in this world, and I feel like I'm related or friends with the best of them.

That said, we've received some gifts already, and I have never been more excited. Just picturing our little girl wearing one of these sweet outfits, or playing with a toy, or reading a book.... eeek!!! I just want her to be here right now! (But don't get any ideas kiddo, you stay put until you're good and ready!!)

Elective ultrasound

Next weekend, we decided to splurge and schedule an elective 4D ultrasound. We wanted an ultrasound experience in which I wasn't completely and utterly terrified for the first few minutes in case they found something wrong with the baby. Now that we know she is a perfectly healthy little sweetheart, I think it'll be so nice to get a sneak peek of her beautiful face. Check out these sweet baby pictures to get an idea (note: these images are not my child; rather, they are random adorable internet babies)

Pretty cool, huh?? I've said it before, and I'll say it again.... technology is a.m.a.z.i.n.g! Can't wait to see you little lady!

Fall-ing in love with the season

Scarves. Crunchy leaves. Football. Chili. Fall-scented candles. Pumpkin spiced lattes (decaf of course). The best part of living in Ohio is the fall. Our neighborhood has lots and lots of trees, and I just love this time of year. Jon may not love raking up all of the leaves, but I love the color and the chill in the air that fall brings. Fall also immediately precedes winter. And baby girl is due 3 days after the start of winter. (See how I bring everything back to my child? OMG, I'm one of those parents already).

So SMILE today. There's always a reason.

{via}

2 years ago today...

We were here

Equal parts nervous, happy and excited

Saying "I Do"

Yay!

"I always imagined 'The One' being someone I could grow old with"

That happened.

Looking over these pictures reminds me of the love and pure happiness I felt on May 9th, 2009; it also reminds me that I have only fallen more and more in love with this man since then.

He makes me laugh every day, always knows what to say to make me feel better, and only makes me cry tears of joy. He's a prince charming in a world full of toads, and we may not be perfect....but we're perfect together.

Happy anniversary to the love of my life <3