Reasons why I'm more of a child than my child

1. I fell asleep on the couch at 7:30pm last night. The Average bedtime for American adults is 10:53pm.

2. Instead of eating my vegetables, all I can think about right now is dipping french fries into a chocolate/strawberry milkshake from Steak & Shake (obviously my sugar post has cursed me!) The seaweed salad I had for lunch is NOT cutting it.

3. I laugh when people fall down. I'm sorry, but as long as you're not hurt, that mess is hilarious!!

4. Every time the Disney World commercial comes on, I stop everything I'm doing, stare longingly at the TV, and whine to Jon that he hasn't taken me there in THREE years. To top it off, he thinks we should wait until Emerson is five before we take her, so she "remembers" it. Nonsense!!!


5. I eat my pancakes and waffles with my hands. Cutting them up into bites takes too long, and I don't use syrup so no fear of sticky fingers here!

6. I know with certainty that Chuck 'E' Cheese has delicious pizza.

7. I can recite every single line of the following films: Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Aladdin, and Beauty and the Beast. Which is all well and good, except for the fact that I cannot name one current Supreme Court Justice.

Awkward and Awesome Thursday

Awkward:

This morning, I gave myself a little spritz of perfume before heading out the door. Too late, I noticed that some of the perfume air had fallen into my open coffee cup below. I smelled the cup. Yup. It smelled like Chanel Chance. Did I make the decision to drink perfume-laden coffee rather than waste one precious drop? You bet your ass I did.

I cannot get the lyrics right to save my life. Of any song. Thanks to Spotify, I constantly have a song in my head now. And I sound like a moron. Ask Jon how well I can sing the song "Sugar, We're Going Down." My interpretation is.... creative to say the least.

I must have a giant sign on my forehead that says "Sucker." A man at the grocery store struck up a conversation with me about peaches. Yes, peaches. Rather than be rude, I rambled off a few things that I know about peaches. Which didn't take long. Then the man preceded to tell me he hadn't showered in 4 days, rubbed his hair into my cart to show me the dirt that came out of his hair, and asked me to use my debit card to get cash when I checked out and give it to him so he could get on the bus. That happened.

I walked around for God-knows how long yesterday with a huge black thing in between my teeth. No one told me. Neat.

I don't even remember eating something black yesterday. Should I be alarmed???

On any given day, I tell/make about 10 jokes. Of those 10, I am the only one laughing about 4-5 times. I feel like this is an improvement. 5 years ago I was batting about 1 out of 10.

Awesome:

My hair doesn't look frizzy for the first time all week. Amazing what spending more than 20 seconds with a hair straightener can do.

My daughter is the best sleeper in the world (who wudda thunk it?!) I love watching her on the monitor, so cozy, mouth wide open, butt in the air, hand by her face. She looks so peaceful, which makes me feel peaceful.

My friend sent me this outfit from Zulily. I could die. So cute. So perfect. So true. I have a sickness.

I weighed myself this morning and have lost 3 lbs since my last weigh-in. Saaaaawheeet!!!!!!!

I could have WAY more awkward moments listed, but I don't want to scare you. They'll come in due time my friend.

Why I'm Awkward, #1

While putting Em down for her nap, I was trying to come up with a song to sing her to sleep. Of all the songs, in all the world, what did I settle on??

The Star Spangled Banner.

.......Wow.