Wednesday, January 18, 2012

"Is this your first??"

While shopping yesterday (yes, all me & Em do is shop... well window shop that is), I was stopped by no less than 5 people who wanted to take a peek at my beautiful new baby.

Of course I didn't mind... I love showing off my gorgeous daughter (but uh, please don't touch her or I will karate chop your @$$).

I was also asked no less than 5 times "Is this your first baby?"


From the moment I started showing, I've been asked this question. It's a harmless question that people ask out of curiosity, but I absolutely HATE being asked.

No. Sweet baby E is not our first. Jack Benjamin is, was, and will always be our first baby.

But how do you possibly explain your entire story to a total stranger?? They can't possibly know the impact he made on our lives in a 2 minute conversation.

Jon and I discussed that, unless someone knew our history, we would respond with "Yes" when asked this question. It's just easier that way. No need to make people uncomfortable, and no need to explain our situation to total strangers. Still, part of me dies inside when I say "Yes." It's like I'm not acknowledging my son, and that makes me really sad.

The worst was when we were in the hospital delivering Emerson. Every nurse asked this question, and I wanted to tell them the truth. For me, we had come full circle... the last time we were in the hospital, we lost our baby. This time, we were going to get to take our baby home, and I wanted to celebrate that. I also wanted them to know why I was an absolute nervous wreck, panicked that something was going to go wrong. When you go through a loss, your anxiety levels multiply in a way others just can't understand.

But we ended up not saying anything, except to the one nurse who was with us the entire time. She was there during my entire labor, and I wanted to tell her about my little boy. Emerson has a brother, and I wanted to talk about him. She was very sympathetic and sweet, and I'm glad I said something.

In a way, Emerson is our first; She's our first take-home baby. And I guess it's okay to just say "Yes" most of the time for that reason alone. Even though the stranger in Macy's may not know about Jack, we do, our family & friends do, and Emerson will. And that matters more than anything.

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