I failed at LASIK and other random failures

Funny story about eyesight...

In 2007, I made the huge decision to get LASIK eye surgery. I was in grad school, aka poor, but I somehow found a way to pay for, ahem, finance, it. It was one of the best decisions I've ever made. My eyesight was horrendous and I was completely dependent on glasses and contacts. I had astigmatism. My eyes were 20/475 and 20/300. For those lucky non-glasses needers who don't understand those numbers, just know that I was blind as a blind mouse. A blind mouse in the dark. With a blindfold on.

So then I got LASIK and it was like "Ahhhhhhhhh!" angels singing and my vision went to 20/15, which is better than perfect. I saw the world crisper and clearer than I ever had before. Like a superhuman or something.

So, yeah... about that. 7 years, 3 pregnancies, 18 months of nursing, and many sleepless nights,  I noticed that my vision has gotten worse. I can still see, but just not that crisp vision that I loved post-LASIK. So I went to the eye doctor, who told me that sometimes LASIK fades after a few years, particularly when your vision was horrendous (my word) before. Huh??? I must have missed that in the fine print.

I left that office with a prescription for glasses. Womp womp. It's not a huge prescription, and I won't need to wear them all the time, just for driving, teaching, and reading the menu at Chipotle that is way up high and I can't read it without squinting. Which, the Chipotle menu hasn't changed much in the 10 years I've been patronizing that store, I'm not sure why I need to see the menu clearly, but I digress.



And because I love themes, here are some other ways in which I am failing in 2014.

My resolution to not put sugary coffee creamer in my coffee? FAIL. I love coffee more than most things in the world and I am not going to give up something that brings me so much joy every day. (Sidenote: this is also one of the many reasons why I don't do drugs. You see how addicted I am to coffee? I can only handle one addiction in my life).

Be graceful in general? FAIL. I broke one of my favorite coffee cups this morning. I think I can already dub 2014 as "The Year in Which I Break a Ton of Shit."

Wake up earlier? FAIL.  Not for lack of trying, but I have been sleeping through my alarm so much this year. No matter how loud it is. I think I'm tired?

Get better about proofreading? FAIL. Why don't I notice from is form before I send that email out???

Not spilling stuff on myself? FAIL. Every single day of 2014. That has to be a record.