Wednesday, January 15, 2014

I failed at LASIK and other random failures

Funny story about eyesight...

In 2007, I made the huge decision to get LASIK eye surgery. I was in grad school, aka poor, but I somehow found a way to pay for, ahem, finance, it. It was one of the best decisions I've ever made. My eyesight was horrendous and I was completely dependent on glasses and contacts. I had astigmatism. My eyes were 20/475 and 20/300. For those lucky non-glasses needers who don't understand those numbers, just know that I was blind as a blind mouse. A blind mouse in the dark. With a blindfold on.

So then I got LASIK and it was like "Ahhhhhhhhh!" angels singing and my vision went to 20/15, which is better than perfect. I saw the world crisper and clearer than I ever had before. Like a superhuman or something.

So, yeah... about that. 7 years, 3 pregnancies, 18 months of nursing, and many sleepless nights,  I noticed that my vision has gotten worse. I can still see, but just not that crisp vision that I loved post-LASIK. So I went to the eye doctor, who told me that sometimes LASIK fades after a few years, particularly when your vision was horrendous (my word) before. Huh??? I must have missed that in the fine print.

I left that office with a prescription for glasses. Womp womp. It's not a huge prescription, and I won't need to wear them all the time, just for driving, teaching, and reading the menu at Chipotle that is way up high and I can't read it without squinting. Which, the Chipotle menu hasn't changed much in the 10 years I've been patronizing that store, I'm not sure why I need to see the menu clearly, but I digress.

And because I love themes, here are some other ways in which I am failing in 2014.

My resolution to not put sugary coffee creamer in my coffee? FAIL. I love coffee more than most things in the world and I am not going to give up something that brings me so much joy every day. (Sidenote: this is also one of the many reasons why I don't do drugs. You see how addicted I am to coffee? I can only handle one addiction in my life).

Be graceful in general? FAIL. I broke one of my favorite coffee cups this morning. I think I can already dub 2014 as "The Year in Which I Break a Ton of Shit."

Wake up earlier? FAIL.  Not for lack of trying, but I have been sleeping through my alarm so much this year. No matter how loud it is. I think I'm tired?

Get better about proofreading? FAIL. Why don't I notice from is form before I send that email out???

Not spilling stuff on myself? FAIL. Every single day of 2014. That has to be a record.

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  1. Too bad they wouldn't do the lasik for you again. I'd suspect it was the pregnancies that did it to you- I noticed my sight has changed just from having one baby :/

  2. Wow, that is definitely interesting about Lasik! I am also super blind and have been wearing contacts since 4th grade. I just haven't been able to move past that whole slicing your eye thing.

  3. I think this is just the year of sleep deprivation so far. I've been sleeping through my alarm lately too!

  4. maybe you have the start of ectasia and will slowly go blind..

    1. You're right, random internet troll. I probably WILL go blind.

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