Friday, December 3, 2010

Oh, Christmas Tree

Ever since we lost Jack, I have been telling Jon that I did NOT want to put a Christmas tree this year. I love Christmas, and I love everything about the Christmas season, but this year feels.... different. It's just not the Christmas I expected it to be. We were "supposed" to be one month away from delivering our beautiful son, and I just couldn't see how Christmas could possibly feel like a time to celebrate this year. So even though I love having a Christmas tree and the way it makes our house smell, I just didn't think I could bring myself to celebrate knowing that our little one wouldn't be there to celebrate with us.

So imagine my shock and awe when I walked into our door last night and saw this beautiful sight:

I was so confused at first. Then I looked over at Jon sitting on the couch, and he had a look of terror on his face. The first thing he said was "You're not mad, are you?"

He told me that although I said it didn't really "feel" like having a Christmas this year, he knew how much it meant to me, and he didn't want me to miss out on something that has always made me so happy.

As if I don't say it enough, let me just reiterate that this man, my husband, is without a doubt the most wonderful human being I have met. He went through all that trouble just to make me happy. Instead of feeling sad, that tree brings me so much happiness. It's not just a tree that makes our house smell good, it's a symbol of love.

The best part about the tree? A few weeks ago, the new bride and I were in Target, and we found the most perfect Christmas ornament. A baby boy angel with blue eyes. I knew it was perfect, because I know Jack would have had those beautiful blue eyes just like his daddy. Even though we weren't getting a tree, I love having things that are in memory of or remind me of Jack, so I bought it. Of course, Jon had it placed front and center on the tree, and it brought tears to my eyes immediately.

Did you know that trees symbolize life and new beginnings?? I'm wondering if our tree can be both the celebration of our life together and the life of our beautiful son, but also the beginning of a new journey in our lives. Happy Holidays everyone!

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