The Hardest Job You Will Ever Have

What if I told you that there was a job out there that:

~ despite advanced degrees you will never know enough about

~ you will live in constant fear that you're doing it "wrong"

~ every day would present some type of challenge that you probably feel you can't handle

Any takers? 

Yeah, who would want THAT type of job right?

Yet millions of us do it every year. 

That job? It's called being a mom.

And without a doubt, it is the hardest job I have ever or will ever have.

We're going through a tough time right now. We recently had to switch daycare providers, and though our current situation is perfect (close to home, affordable, wonderful people), Emerson is having a really hard time with it. She's been with the same sitter her whole life, but she was unable to watch both our girls so we had to find someone else. But Emerson doesn't get that. All she knows is that mommy and daddy leave her with a relative stranger, and every single day for the last 2.5 weeks, she cries big tears when we drop her off. It's HEARTBREAKING. I'm worried she'll have abandonment issues. I'm worried she'll never adjust to this new place. I'm worried she'll start to become withdrawn.

And then Anna got the stomach flu. My tiny baby was vomiting for 24 hours straight, and was just SO SAD. If she was awake, she was crying or whimpering. She doesn't understand why she feels so bad, and I miss seeing her smiling face. I couldn't put her down for almost an entire day, and I knew she just felt so terrible. How frustrating it must be to feel that crappy and not be able to express it.

It's hard just to get through the workday with this much worry weighing so heavily on my heart. I know in the long run, they'll both be fine and probably fine soon too. But that doesn't make it any easier, and makes me realize that it will never get easier. I will always find something to worry about. I have never worried about anything as much as I worry about my girls. 

I hate that I can't always take away their fear or their pain. And I hate being away from them. And I hate how hard this "mom" job can be sometimes, because I just want their lives to be perfect and I hate knowing that they're not. I am still shocked I didn't have to fill out an application, or get a background check, or take a stress test.

But, I firmly believe the reason I am a mom 3 times over is because someone knew I could handle it.

Because I also can't imagine loving any job ever in the world more than this one. 

Still, any reassuring "Your girls will be fine" comments would be helpful :-)

Can I spend 15 seconds of my life talking about Miley Cyrus?

I remember back in "my day" when Britney Spears was scandalous.

Girlfriend pushed the envelope and had parents everywhere up in arms. 

This performance at the 2000 VMA's was so memorable because, at the time, this is what scandal looked like.

So let me think, I was... um, 16 at the time? And I don't remember thinking "Man, I really want to buy a diamond-studded bra/pantsuit combo and shake provocatively on the street corner."

But it did make me want to do more crunches.

You gotta give pre-crazy Britney credit. She'll never be praised for her impeccable singing voice, but the girl could dance. If you've ever taken a Zumba class, you know talking while doing this much movement is nearly impossible, let alone singing about getting lost in the game, oh baby baybay.

I know I'm way too old for MTV now, but I tuned in to the VMAs to watch the N*Sync reunion (2 minutes of glory right there). And I feel like my eyeballs got violated after watching this:

 Seriously.... what the actual fluck is wrong with Miley Cyrus? 

Her performance scared the ever-loving sh** out of me. I know I'm no spring chicken, but you cannot tell me that sticking your tongue out and grinding on a married man is in ANY WAY attractive. She looked like pure gutter trash that has floated through a sewer and ended up in the bottom of your toilet.

As the mother of two daughters, I am horrified. I know that she is old enough to make her own decisions, but what happened along the way that made her stop and think "Yeah, THIS is a good career decision." I know I can't protect my girls forever, but I would like to think that even though I know they'll make some bad decisions, that they'll never go so astray as to cheapen themselves like this trainwreck.

Ok... that's all I have to say about that.

Good Tunes

It seems like everytime I'm in the car these days, I'm rushing. Rushing to get to work. Rushing to get home to see the girls. Rushing to get in and out of the grocery store before Anna wakes up and needs to eat.

When I first moved to Columbus, Jon still lived in Akron for 8 months, so one of us usually made the trip up or down every weekend. I'll never forget getting up at 5:00am at Monday mornings and making the 2-hour drive back home. The freeway was mine. I'd get a large McDonalds coffee and listen to my iPod and zone out.  Or practice for my American Idol tryouts.

A favorite car-listening tune:

I feel like it's been forever since I've plugged in an iPod and chilled out listening to some good music. Not to date myself, but I swear, popular music today is total, unadulterated crap. Yeah, pop tunes can be catchy, but I swear if I have to listen to Taylor Swift talking about being 22 one more time... ugh.

(Do NOT even go there and call me hypocritical because there was crappy music in the 90s too; however, I will swear to you that N*Sync wrote true poetry and I have already set my DVR for Sunday)

Anyway, there are definitely times when I turn on the radio and I go "Man! GOOD TUNE!! I haven't heard this in forever!" or I hear a song and instantly love it and want to play it on repeat.

I heard The Eagles on my way home yesterday and seriously got so pumped. It's been years since I've heard this song, and I was instantly in a good mood.

So now, I am motivated to make a new, non-crappy, hours-long playlist on my iPod so that I can spend my commute unwinding and decompressing instead of cursing out little old ladies (I may or may not have done something I'm not proud of yesterday, let's leave it at that).

I am taking suggestions below. Please, help the little old ladies in Central Ohio. Don't let them suffer my wrath because Justin Beiber sucks. It's for a good cause.

What No One Tells You About Having Two Under 2

The diapers. An unbelievable amount of diapers. We have two diaper pails and I empty them daily, but I still swear my house smells like urine.

Boogers and snot. An unbelievable amount of boogers and snot. A little less now that I've given up dairy, but still. Kleenex called to personally thank me for my patronage. (Not really, but they should).

Laundry. An unbelievable amount of laundry. The two of them combined weigh a total of 36lbs, and somehow, I still end doing a load every single day just to maintain. Someone needs to invent the Roomba for laundry folding.

They get hiccups at the same time. All the time.

Your oldest will all of a sudden use the words "My" and "Mine" on the regular. My Blanket! My Bottle! My mommy! My July 2013 copy of Runner's World Magazine! in response to their little sibling showing an infant-sized amount of attention to something or someone.

When one cries for more than 2 minutes, the other is going to start crying even harder. Especially in the car, when they know you can't escape.

There is no such thing as telling the older one: "We have to be quiet, sissy is sleeping." That is apparently code for PLEASE TALK LOUDER SO THAT SISSY WAKES UP!

You have to maximize every single minute of every day in order to stay sane. 

That overwhelming fear you had when you were pregnant that your heart doesn't have enough room to love two children equally? You finally realize it's total nonsense. Not only has your heart grown to a size you didn't know existed, but now you get to look at both of your children sitting together and realize that your entire world is complete. Because you could never have imagined a love this great, and you know nothing you could ever accomplish in this life could be more astonishing than these two precious miracles.

You look at your life daily and realize you wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

Signs I know it's Friday

When getting up at 3:30am to feed Anna, I literally walked into the wall. Like, slammed into it. And I have the forehead welt to prove it.

I accidentally signed an email with "Audraz" and I kind of want that to be my name now.

I told Jon that I maked dinner. You read that right. I said maked. 

I've spilled coffee on every outfit I've worn this week. 

I wore high heels for the first time in months yesterday and today I feel like I'm recovering from toe surgery.

TGIF people!