Monday, May 6, 2013

A Letter to My "Monster"

Dear Emerson,

Within the next few weeks, our lives will change forever. I watch you be-bop around the house, so carefree, so happy, so sweet. On one hand this tells me that you are going to take on all of these major transitions with ease. On the other hand, I realize that you'll have a new sister, a new house, and a division of your parents time all at once, and I feel this painful regret that we're throwing all of this at you at once.

The last 17 months have, by far, been the best of my life. Every moment I spend with you, I know that I've done something right in this world. You make me so happy, without even trying. I love every single thing about you, and I don't think you'll really understand until you have a baby of your own someday.

I am cherishing these last few days with you. Sweet little you, my "only" child here at home right now. I can't have enough of these moments, and it tugs on me in a way. We always knew we'd give you a sibling, but what I didn't realize at the time was that giving you a sibling also meant giving up my "you" time. Time for me to focus my everything on my precious girl. When my time and attention would be only on you.

I need you to know something Emerson... bringing your little sister in this world will change alot of things. But I know, without a doubt, it will not change the way I feel about you. I've heard from multiple sources that when you have another baby, your love is not divided - your heart just expands. Well I know me, I know dad, and I know you, and if this were to be true for any set of parents, I assure you it will be the truth for us. 17 months ago, I couldn't imagine how I could love a person as much as I did from the moment I saw you, and yet every day I love you more and more. In a way, it lets me know that despite all of my flaws and all the mistakes I've made, I was meant to be a mom. Your mom. And soon, your sister's mom too.

I am so excited to watch the two of you grow up together. I know there will be fights, squabbles, hair pulling, shouting, jealousy, and anger, but even though those things are inevitable, I truly believe this is the way life was supposed to happen, and I dream of the moment the two of you first lay eyes on each other. Lucky for us, it won't be long.

But just know, you're going to get LOTS of mommy cuddles until then - hope that's okay with you ;-)

Love you baby girl,


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