Feeling hot hot hot hot

It's 91 degrees today. I am melting. I have nothing interesting to say because the humidity has destroyed my remaining functioning brain cells.

What I would give to have this

and this today

These amazing toys from my childhood would really come in handy right about now. I swear, I do not remember being hot when I was a kid, and I think it was because we were allowed to run through the sprinkler and play with squirt guns after school. Methinks a trip to Target is in order....

What a difference a year makes

May 27, 2010.

Exactly one year ago today.... I found out I was going to be a mommy. I can't believe it's been an entire year. But at the same time, I feel like I've lived a lifetime since then.

On that beautiful sunny day, I had no way of knowing how things would turn out. I just remember feeling so happy, shocked, elated, nervous, and ready to bring the greatest blessing into our lives.

I thought my life was going one way, but God had different plans for me. So now we just get to see what happens with this new hand we've been dealt. However, I have no doubt that this path is the right one for me.

It's Memorial Day weekend, and with this holiday brings the promise of summer! I love the sun, sand, lemonade, swimming, beach balls, the smell of sunblock, and everything that goes along with the season. Instead of being sad and thinking about what might have been,  I am choosing to focus on the happy and exciting times that lie ahead of us, while always remembering the amazing gift we were given one year ago.

Happy Summer everybody!

Song of the Day/Week

I've been whistling this tune all week, and it couldn't be more perfect today.

                                            When you're happy like a fool

                                                    Let it take you over

                                                When everything is out

                                                  You gotta take it in

2 years ago today...

We were here

Equal parts nervous, happy and excited

Saying "I Do"

Yay!

"I always imagined 'The One' being someone I could grow old with"

That happened.

Looking over these pictures reminds me of the love and pure happiness I felt on May 9th, 2009; it also reminds me that I have only fallen more and more in love with this man since then.

He makes me laugh every day, always knows what to say to make me feel better, and only makes me cry tears of joy. He's a prince charming in a world full of toads, and we may not be perfect....but we're perfect together.

Happy anniversary to the love of my life <3

Celebration and confusion

I have a pretty big week coming up....

Sunday, May 8: Mother's Day
Monday, May 9:  Our 2-year anniversary
Tuesday, May 10: My 27th birthday

I love to cram all major events together. It's easier that way :)

As you may have seen in some previous posts, I look forward to my birthday every year. This year is no exception. The day has been planned, and I must say, it's going to be one for the books.

Before my birthday, though, we have to get through Mother's Day. This is the day that confuses me. Am I allowed to celebrate it?? Jon says yes, of course, you are a mother. And I know that. We even have a sweet little piece of paper which says I am Jack's mother, and Jon is Jack's father. That should be proof enough right?

But on Sunday, I won't have a baby here in my arms. So am I technically allowed to celebrate this holiday? Part of me feels like I haven't fully earned my mommy medal yet. I have a lot of badges, but no medal.

I think celebrating Mother's Day for me this year will mean celebrating the time that I did get to spend with Jack, and not focusing on the time that I won't have. We have a fun and exciting week coming up, and I know he wants his "mommy" to be happy. Maybe that's why all of these happy days happen to collide.. as a way to soften the sadness that might come with these tough milestones.

Because for every Mother's Day that happens from here on out, I will always be sad when thinking about my first child who is not here with us. But then I'll have a wedding anniversary, which will remind me of my wonderful marriage to an amazing husband and father. And then I'll get to celebrate my birthday, and realize how lucky I am to still be alive and healthy.

Plus, there will be birthday cake. How can I not smile when there's birthday cake involved??

6 weeks....

 Until vacation in Hilton Head!

Hilton Head, SC

Maybe we'll do a little of this??

And a little of that?

Watch a few sunsets?

Frolic merrily along the beach?

But mostly just reeeeelllllllllllaaaaaaxxxxxing  :)

 Can we tell I'm excited?!?!?

I've also heard there are some cool places to visit around HH (Charleston, Savannah, Tybee Island) so if you have any must-see stops, let me know!

A March for Babies.... and a Little Bit of Rain

Yesterday we participated in the March of Dimes-March for Babies walk.

This is an amazing organization which raises money to supports programs to help moms have healthy, full-term pregnancies. They also fund research to find answers to the problems that threaten babies born too soon or who never get to come home. This was our first walk in honor of our son Jack, and I can say without a doubt that this will be a tradition I will continue every year.

Yesterday was such a mix of emotions. I was so touched, honored, and saddened to be there. Sad, of course, that Jack wasn't there with us, but happy knowing he was there in spirit. It was hard not to cry with every step I took, but I had some great people who helped me through it. It was also sad to see how many other lives have been affected by the loss of a baby. Seeing all of the memorial t-shirts, pictures, and signs reminded me that I am not the only person in this world who has lost a child, and sadly I won't be the last.

The forecast called for thunderstorms, so I was pretty sure we would get soaked. Thankfully, the weather held out, and it was actually perfect walking weather; warm, but not hot. Bright, but not ultra-bright.

And as we started the last mile, wouldn't you know it... a little bit of rain fell from the sky. Not too much, but just enough to remind me that the memory of my son is still very much alive, and I know he will never be forgotten. From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU to everyone for their support, contributions, and thoughts yesterday.

<3 Audra