Anna's Birth Story (aka that one time moving put me into labor)

When we officially sold our house and selected a closing date of May 8th, I had an overwhelming sense of anxiety that I was going to go into labor and not make it to the closing table. When people would ask when we were moving, I'd always say "May 8th... you know, 4 days before I'm due - no big deal right?' I had to joke about it in order to not go crazy, because inside I was terrified.

Well, 8:00am on Wednesday May 8th came - and surprise! Anna was still cooking inside, safe and sound! We closed on our first home and then just drove around for a little bit, because for a 3 hour period, we were "homeless." Then at 1:00, we closed on our new house, got the keys, and drove our moving trucks (yes, trucks) full of our crap over to our new place. 

Over the next few hours, we moved everything in to the house. I was 39.66 weeks pregnant, so obviously I was not moving anything heavy. A lamp here, a small box there. Despite everyone saying "Stop moving stuff! You're pregnant!" I couldn't just stand there. I was due in 4 days, and I needed evvvvvverything in it's place. I was all ready to paint and unpack it all before my due date.

Around 11:00pm, I finally, finally prepared for bed. After staging our previous house for 3 months, the one thing I was looking forward to most that night was sleeping in our glorious King sized bed for the first time since February. But before bed, I desperately wanted to take a warm bath to soak my overworked muscles. As I got ready for my bath, I looked at my pregnant belly in the bathroom mirror, and Jon and I both noticed how low it was. Like super low. And I said to Jon "Huh, that's kinda funny. My belly dropped. Wonder if that means anything?" 

So naturally, I turned to Dr. Google, and I read things along the lines of "In second pregnancies, when the stomach 'drops' labor is imminent." 

Oh no no no, I thought. I'm not ready to go into labor! I have so much to do! But I wasn't having any contractions, so I figured I was fine. So I just closed my eyes to go to sleep.

Until about 20 minutes after I laid down, and bam! There they were. 

My OB's office gave us instructions to come to labor and delivery once my contractions were 7-8 minutes apart. Within an hour, we were at 8 minutes, so we woke my mom (who thankfully was staying with us that night) and told her she might need to get up with Emerson in the morning. At this point, even though I was having regular contractions, I just had this feeling they were going to send me home. I figured it'd be hours and hours and hours before Anna was ready to be born.

We got to triage, they hooked me up to monitors, and essentially said, yep, you're in labor, you're definitely having contractions (duh) but I hadn't progressed enough yet. So they had me walk around the hospital FOR AN HOUR whilst contracting to get things moving. If any of you out there have experienced contractions, real ones, you know walking is not an option when they start to intensify. I had to stop every 7 minutes, squeeze Jon's shoulder, and breathe through it before I could resume walking. After 60 long, long minutes, I went back to triage. I hadn't dilated any more, and my contractions were still only 7 minutes apart, so they told me to go home, try to rest (riiiiight) and come back when they were closer to 5-7 minutes apart. I wanted to tell the nice nurse "Um, hello? They currently are 7 minutes apart so do I really have to leave?" but even in pain I can't be mean to people, especially tired nurses on the overnight shift. So we were discharged and made the 35 minute drive back home.

I got back in bed, and the contractions started getting really bad. There was no way I was going to be able to sleep, so around 7:30am I went downstairs. My mom was up with Emerson, and I wanted to snuggle with my little girl for the last time before our lives changed forever. 

I swear to you, by the time I reached the bottom stair, shit got real. There was no way I was going back to that hospital until I knew they wouldn't turn me away, but I could barely breathe because they had gotten so bad. Sweet Emerson could sense something was wrong with mommy, and she seemed scared. She crawled into my lap, but the contractions were so close together at that point I couldn't even hold her. Because I was in so much pain, I wasn't keeping track of how close together the contractions were, but my mom counted. 3 minutes apart at that point. Um, time to get Jon and get back to the hospital NOW!

To be continued...

Full-term Update!

I will officially be full-term on Sunday. 

WHAT?!?!?

I feel like just yesterday I was dry-heaving into the toilet and gagging over the smell of Indian food. 

But now reality has set in, and I am just in awe.

My BFF said it best in an email from yesterday. 

"Do you realize that in a month from now, your life is going to be vastly different?"

 And she's right. New house. New baby. I'm going to have CHILDREN. Not just a baby, but a toddler and a baby. And I'm going to bring these children home to a new house in a new city. You'd think I'd be panicked, but I'm not. I'm actually really excited. (Okay, maybe a little panicked, but still). It's chaotic, it's crazy, and I honestly can't complain. Things are going to be crazy and complicated at first, no doubt, but the day I complain about having two healthy children, a loving husband, 12 weeks off in the summer to spend with my new baby, and a brand new house is the day you can bitch-slap me and tell me to shape up. 

So before life gets really crazy, here's my full-term pregnancy update:

How far along? 36 weeks, 5 days 

Maternity clothes? Now that the weather has been a little warmer, my uniform is a maternity dress, or maternity pants with a longer shirt and a cardigan. I will be honest, I miss regular clothes.

Stretch marks? I thought I was home free, but alas, there are two under my belly that appeared sometime in the last 2 weeks. I named them Norman and Herman, because they are lame.

 
Symptoms: Generally feel pretty good. Starting to get really tired, but that's to be expected when you look like you're smuggling a basketball under your shirt. At this point with Em I had terrible back pain and had to wear a belly brace, but I feel basically normal until I look at myself from the side and then go "Whoa! Who is that whale in the mirror?!?!" 

Sleep: Pretty good. I feel pretty energized in the morning, but I get really tired around 3 PM everyday, and then get my second wind when I get home and get to play with Emerson. It's like I have a separate energy pocket reserved just for her.
 
Best moments this week: Celebrating our baby girl at my sprinkle; getting to see her sweet face on the ultrasound and finding out she weighs almost 7lbs!

  Miss Anything? Not having to pee in the middle of the night.
 
Movement: Girlfriend is just so busy in there! She moves constantly, and loves sticking her butt (or back?) on to my right side. 
 

Food cravings: Oreo ice cream (when it doesn't give me acid reflux)

Anything making you queasy or sick: Not really. I am so ready to have coffee again though it's not even funny.

Have you started to show yet: Haha. You're funny.

Wedding Rings On or Off?: Still on! I can't believe it. By 30 weeks last time, I could only wear my wedding band. I can still wear both rings comfortably, so I must not be quite as bloated as I was back then. 

Have a lovely weekend! :)

Four-Fifths Update and the many ways in which I'm a bad mother

Do you ever have one of those moments where you're like "Holy crap, I've been so preoccupied with life that I have forgotten this major thing that's coming up???"

For me, that "thing" is the realization that, at almost 32 weeks, I am 4/5ths of the way through my pregnancy. Meaning, I'm about to have another baby in 8 weeks. 

Trying to let that sink in. 

Because all of my thoughts/feelings/anxieties have been consumed by this whole house selling/buying process, and all of my remaining time and attention goes to Emerson, I honestly feel like a bad mom. 

I am solemnly swearing, though, that once this baby girl gets here, she will get 100% of me. 100% is a relative term when you have two kids under the age of 2, but somehow I am going to defy the laws of math and give 100% of my attention to both girls. And Jon. 

I feel like I've barely talked about my pregnancy so far, so I thought I'd provide a quick update on how things are going:

Weight gain: Yeah.... About that. It's more than a little. However, I weigh 20 lbs less right now than I did when I was 32 weeks pregnant with Emerson, so that counts for something right? The silver lining is that I have lost all the baby weight before, so I know I can do it again.

Baby's weight: She measured at 4lbs on Monday! No wonder she feels so big - she is!!!

Food cravings: Peanut butter and spaghetti. Though not together. But should they be???

Energy: After the blissful honeymoon period known as the second trimester, I am starting to get tired again. It's usually worst right after lunch and then around 5:00. I have a separate reserve of energy that is dedicated to Emerson and cleaning, and then whatever is left goes to the television. I've worked out once in the last two months. ONCE. This is the longest I've ever gone without working out since I was a teenager. It's awful. But it's life. I'm burning calories by pinning post-pregnancy workouts and healthy recipes on Pinterest.

Favorite thing about being pregnant: Definitely feeling her move. She is getting so strong! Also, at my  ultrasound on Monday, even though obviously it's hard to tell for sure, I swear she looked just like Emerson! Perfect little round head and face, button nose, and legs that measured 2 weeks ahead (just like her sister). She was smacking her lips and grabbing her toes and I just wanted her to be here right now (but keep cooking sweetheart, mommy will wait until you're good and ready).

Looking forward to: Not having to pee every time I stand up. And sleeping in our king bed again (though this is a house problem, not a pregnancy problem) but I feel like I slept better when pregnant with E because I had more space for my whale-like form.

And honestly, as crazy as this sounds, I'm looking forward to giving birth again. I know right?!? There is just nothing in this world that compares to the moment when you see your beautiful baby for the first time. It makes the whole 9 month journey, from beginning to end, seem like the greatest miracle in the world.

Names: I will honestly tell you that not only do we NOT have a name for this baby, we don't even have any contenders. We can't agree on any one name, so it's most likely going to be an 11th hour decision. Or whoever caves first. 

Things left to buy: Everyone tells you "Oh, you're having another girl, so you don't need anything!" Whoever started this rumor is a LIAR. Yes, we are good to go on most clothing, but we would have been fine regardless because for the first 3 months they only wear PJs anyway. But there are still PLENTY of other things that come along with having 2 under 2 that no one told me about. I have most things picked out, I just have to take the plunge and whip out the old Amazon credit card. I am wary of making a ton of purchases right now though since a) we're (hopefully) going to be signing a mortgage contract here shortly and b) I don't want to buy a bunch of stuff and then have to move all that stuff, I'd rather just have it delivered to our new house.

Here's my list of leftover items. I'll attach links to each of these items, in case one of you 39 random readers from Germany want to send us a care package.

• Second crib: Emerson is way too little for a big girl bed, so she will stay in her crib. We bought this one in white, and it's still in the box disassembled because we have no idea where we'll be living come May 12th. No pressure.
• Crib mattress. The poor thing doesn't even have a mattress yet. I'm a terrible mother.
• Crib bedding. Haven't finalize color scheme yet, but I'm leaning toward white or gray.
• Second camera for our monitor so we can pan between rooms
• Another Pack N Play, since Emerson still uses her at daycare
• Furniture. A dresser and changing table at minimum.
• Glider. I was just going to use Emerson's, but we sit in it every night to read her stories, so I can't take that away. Then I really would be a terrible mother.
• Double stroller. When I get up the nerve to take them both out in public at the same time. 
• Car Seat. Emerson is in a convertible car seat now, so sister can just use hers. Sweet! We'll need a second convertible seat when she's a year old, but we have plenty of time for that.
• White noise machine. Em still sleeps with hers, and white noise is one of the most essential baby items, ever. If you like sleep that is.

So that's pregnancy in a nutshell. I can't believe it's so soon - 58 days and she'll be here! And hopefully she doesn't preemptively hate me for any of the aforementioned ways in which I fail as a parent.

130 days...

I have 130 days to:

• Learn how to parent 2 children under the age of 2
• Control my weight gain (no more Christmas cookies, ever)
• Decide on the perfect name for our baby girl (taking suggestions now, but if you read about how many criteria I have, you'll see I'm certifiably nuts)
• Snuggle my sweet Emerson and soak in the last moments of her as an "only" child
• Psyche myself up for giving birth again. Well, the recovery afterward at least. THAT was a picnic I would rather not re-visit.
• Take my glucose test. BARF. 
• Take a babymoon weekend with Jon
• Sell our house
• Buy a new house
• Decorate a new nursery
• Enjoy my sleep while I can
• Pray that new baby is as good of a sleeper as Emerson

Can I do it?!?!?!

Pheobe or Pheobo?

Today we're going in for our anatomy scan. This is a Level II ultrasound that can determine how well the baby is growing, as well as screen for any defects that may not have been visible at the 12 week ultrasound.

Oh yeah, and they can tell us if our baby is a Pheobe or a Pheobo (aka boy or girl - kudos to you if you get that reference!)

I am terrified, because I have received bad news at an ultrasound before, but I am going into today with an open heart, and knowing that everything that will happen is out of my hands. And knowing that I can feel this little one kicking away in there as I type this (And Jon got to feel her/him kick too this weekend- such an exciting feeling that will never get old!)

Boy or girl, I honestly could not care less... all I will ever want is a healthy baby. Healthy first, happy second, and everything else is a bonus.

We're not going to find out today though. We'll have the doctor check out the goods, put B or G in an envelope, and we'll open it on Christmas Day - I can't think of a better present.

Last time, I rounded up all of the Old Wive's Tales I could find, and GIRL won. So I decided to do it again and see what happened....

YE OLD WIVE'S TALES
Numerical Significance
Take your age when you got pregnant and add that to the month you are due to determine boy or girl. An even number means you are having a girl and an odd number means you are having a boy.

So 28 + 5 = 33 = Odd number = BOY

Cravings
Craving sweet or citrus = GIRL
Craving meat or salt = BOY

Um, considering I've eaten meatball subs for lunch no less than 3 times a week AND I put garlic salt on everything. (Like, everything), yet I haven't touched a piece of fruit since September, I'll go with BOY.

Heartrate
Over 140 = GIRL
Less than 140 = BOY

This baby's heart rate has been hovering around 145, so GIRL in this case.

Skin
Clear & glowing= BOY
Not so clear and not so glowing = GIRL

Not glowing (unless you count pale pastiness as a glow) but my skin is clear. So BOY.

How you carrying, fool?
Carrying high = GIRL
Carrying low = BOY

I think I'm carrying this one pretty much the same as Emerson. What do you think?

20 weeks, 2011

19 weeks, 2012

I don't know why I'm scowling. Probably because I'm bigger at 19 weeks than I was last year at 20. That's what being pregnant 3 times in three years will do to your body!

Appearance
Have you gotten uglier? = GIRL
Looking better than ever? = BOY

The myth is that girls steal their mother's beauty. That ship sailed long before pregnancy.

Morning sickness. 
Mildly sick/Feeling good = BOY
Feeling sick/very sick/sick for a long time = GIRL

GIRL. I was nauseous until 17 weeks this time (Ugh) and was with Emerson too.

Weight Gain 
all around = GIRL
all in the front all belly = BOY

Since I can still button my regular pants if they are low-rise, I think I'm leaning toward BOY on this one. My belly may be huge already, but it seems to be staying away from my other body parts (for now...)

Dreams
Dream of a boy = BOY
Dream of a girl = GIRL

I've had three girl dreams, but no boy dreams. All 3 were early on.

Wedding ring on a string
Back and forth = BOY
Circle = GIRL

Reputable gender prediction websites.
Baby Center = BOY
Babygenderprediction.com = BOY
TheBump.com = BOY
Labor of Love = BOY
Baby2see.com = BOY

GIRL = 5
BOY = 9

What do YOU think it is? I won't say what I think, but I guess we'll find out in 8 days - stay tuned! ;-)

Emerson's Birth Story, Part 2

If you're just joining me, you can catch up with Part 1 here...

The following may contain descriptions which are graphic in nature. Reader discretion is advised.

So this doctor had just told us we were about to have a baby. I think I had an out of body experience at that point, because I realized that this was happening. I mean, I knew she had to come out eventually, but all of a sudden it hit me that I was about to be a parent.

He wanted us to go right to L&D, but I asked if we could go home and pack our bags (which we hadn't done yet) and he said that was fine. I also thought it was imperative that I pick up a juicy cheeseburger and french fries, since I knew that would be my last real meal for God knew how long. The burger shockingly helped calm my nerves. We got home, threw some things into a bag, and I tidied up the house. Can't bring our new baby friend into dirty accommodations! As we walked out the door, Jon snapped one last shot of me before I became a mommy :)

WOOF. I looked... rough.

We got back to the hospital around 1:00pm. And it was incredibly anti-climatic. The nurse at the front desk told us to wait in the waiting room and she'd be with us shortly. Well FORTY FIVE freaking minutes later (I honestly thought she'd forgotten about us - HELLO! I'm on edge here!) we were taken to our L&D room. It was really nice and big and calm and soothing. At that point, they gave me some options. I was only 1cm dilated, and I needed to get to 4cm before things could really get going. So they recommended (about to get graphic here) that we try inserting something called a foley bulb. It's basically like a balloon that slowly inflates your insides. It didn't sound too bad. Why not? They also started me on pitocin.

Within 20 minutes, I started having contractions (real ones) and I could feel this "balloon" inflating. It was... awful. Every time I would have a contraction, this seemingly non-threating balloon would feel like a knife was stabbing my innards. Holy crap, is this what labor feels like?!? Emerson may be our only child. Knife stab, knife stab, knife stab. Every few minutes. This was going to be a long night.

Then after about 90 minutes, the balloon fell out. That meant I had hit 4cm! A huge sense of relief flooded me as I realized that the pain was definitely caused by the balloon. I was still having contractions, and they didn't feel great, but contracting when there's no longer a knife inside you feels like a Swedish massage.They also confirmed that my water had broken. Cool! (??)

I was finally able to get up. I brushed my teeth (random), rocked back and forth on the labor ball, and moved around as much as I could. I wanted to labor on my own for awhile so that I could experience what it felt like before I got the epidural. Around 6:30pm, I was 5-6cm, they put the call in for the anesthesiologist. I knew I wanted an epidural, but I was terrified. Someone is going to stick a giant needle in my back?? Terrifying. But after an hour or so, this pleasant man with nice cologne comes by, explains the procedure, and we got started. It was honestly no big deal. It went much faster than I expected, and really didn't hurt. I was too scared to breathe, so I think I blacked out during it, but still... it was way better than I expected!

I can't remember how long it took for the epidural to kick in, but when it did... it was like Disney World and magic and sunshine. It just felt SO GOOD. I texted my best friend and told her something to the effect that God had just given me the most amazing gift in the world. I may have been a little dramatic, but still... I was happy with my choice.

It was getting late, and even with the epidural I could feel the pressure of my contractions, but I was able to relax at least. We watched movies. I played Words With Friends. Jon did some school work (he had a final paper that was due the next day!) I think I fell asleep for a little bit, but not long. By 4:00am, I was still only 7cm. The nurse said we still had a long ways to go.

An hour later, I started feeling a ton of pressure. I knew it was happening soon. The nurse checks me and says "Oh boy, you're at 10cm. And she's got dark hair!" Kinda weird, but okay.

They called my OB to come to the hospital. Technically, she was on vacation, but the sweet, sweet woman, who had been seeing me for years and had been instrumental in helping with my grief from my first pregnancy experience, said she really wanted to be the one to deliver me. Bless her heart. They had me start with some "practice" pushing while they waited for her to arrive. So I do one practice push and the nurse yells "STOP! Stop stop stop!" because apparently Emerson thought that meant Okay it's time now! I honestly didn't think I'd last until the doctor got there. But miraculously, she swooped in, scrubbed up, they got everything ready, and it was time.

One push. I feel like I can't breathe.

Second push. What's happening?

Third push.

And my world changed forever.

Emerson Elizabeth was born at 7:48am. 7lbs, 4oz, 19.75 inches long. Perfection. Love. Joy. And everything I've lived and breathed for my entire life.

Emerson's Birth Story, Part 1

This is something I should have recapped, oh, about a year ago, but honestly the experience is so fresh in my mind that I feel like it was yesterday. But with her birthday coming up on Friday, I think now is as good a time as any!

Our story actually begins on Monday, November 28th. I went in for my 36-week checkup. Jon came with me because we knew we'd be getting an ultrasound. We were excited to see our little munchkin again, even though we knew she'd be pretty smooshed in there.

We got some great profile shots of her cute little button nose, and her big puffy cheeks (which are still huge and adorable and kissable today). One thing they check for at this point in a pregnancy is amniotic fluid levels. Usually it's not a problem, but sometimes we have too little and sometimes too much. Well, that day, I learned that I didn't have enough. Cue panic mode. How could this be??? I drink so much water!!! Like, obscene amounts of water. My OB assured me that it wasn't my fault, that it's something that just happens sometimes.

I was freaking out (obviously) but she quickly came up with a strategy: we'd monitor the baby's movements daily, and I'd start going in for NSTs twice per week until she was born. But we left the appointment that day with her warning: "Pack your bags - unless your fluid levels magically and significantly rise, there is no way you won't have a baby by Christmas." WHOA! I thought I had (at least) 4 more weeks to stress, bake, obsess, and prepare, and now it could happen as early as 2 days from now!!?? Gah!!

So naturally, I went home and did what any normal woman would do in my situation: I looked up every single "trick" in the book to get my body to labor naturally. I knew going early meant that I would have to be induced, and I wanted to avoid that. I read that induction lead to a higher chance of a C-section, and that straight up terrified me. Having a doctor rip my stomach open and yank my baby out??? No thank you!

Once I hit full-term at 37 weeks, I began trying some of these tricks. Between chugging water and "resting," I did everything I could to get things moving, as much as they could, on their own. Bouncing on a yoga ball. Eating spicy food (I put red pepper flakes on literally everything). Making Labor Eggplant Parmesan. Eating Labor Cookies (which were NASTY). But alas, no progress was made.

I (we) passed all of the NSTs for 2 weeks. At my 37 week ultrasound, my fluid levels actually went back up! Not crazy high, but to a much safer level, so we thought maybe we were in the clear.

Then on Tuesday, December 13th, I went in for a high-resolution ultrasound in the Maternal Fetal Medicine unit. Before the appointment, I consulted with Dr. Google, who told me that any fluid level below 5cm was not good. So I just hoped my levels were above that. On their high-tech machines, I saw an adorable baby girl with puffy cheeks. The real doctor saw that my fluid levels were at 2cm. HOLY EFF.


So he turns and says to the terrified kids who have no idea how to be parents: "Guys, go right on over and check in to Labor & Delivery. It's time to get her out."

 To be continued....

Pregnancy is the new black

Me.

Jessica Simpson.

And now Kate Middleton. 

Everybody is pregnant. There must be something in the air.

Sorry Suri

 

Meggings

I have never gotten into the whole "leggings" craze.

Not because I didn't want to. I think people who wear them look adorable. I always see girls wearing leggings and I think "Man, what a great look!" but have never taken the plunge. I suspected that leggings would be a trend that was a flash in the pan, and would go away by the time I purchased them, so I held off.

But in my quest to avoid frumpy maternity clothes, I finally resigned myself to purchase some maternity leggings on a whim (aka Black Friday at Old Navy). I mean, they were $10 - if I hated them, who cares??? I could wear them as PJs or something.

So I put them on this morning.

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD.

Maternity leggings (henceforth known as "meggings") are the greatest invention of all time. With my sweater, long-sleeved shirt, and comfy boots, I feel like I'm wearing pajamas to work. I am so comfortable that I might cry. No seriously, they are THAT good. 

Yesterday I was feeling grumpy because the button on my regular pants was digging into me. Today I feel like I could do yoga, then go straight to bed.

Yes, they are THAT good. I assure you. All my pregnant friends, you must invest. Right now.

See? Look how comfortable I am. 

Oh, and don't think I missed the irony of the Tampax machine photobomb.

THANK YOU!

Wow.

I am so touched by all of the comments, Facebook messages, texts, and emails regarding our big news yesterday. I truly have the greatest family, friends, and blog friends a girl could ask for.

I also got quite a few questions, so let me try and answer some of them.

Yes, we are indeed pregnant :)

My official due date is May 12, 2013. Three days from our anniversary, and 2 days from my birthday. You see, in our family we like to cram as many life-changing events as possible into the same week. Hence why Emerson was due on Christmas and 3 days after Jon's birthday. But she was 2 weeks early... maybe her sibling will be too???

They will be 17 months apart. People either have one of two reactions to this: One is "Wow, that's so great, they'll be close in age!" or the other "Wow, good luck with that!"

Listen here. Am I terrified of having two under 2?? Absolutely. Do I have any doubt that Jon and I can handle it? Not one. When you've been through what we've been through, things that are a big deal for some are no sweat for us. And as I've learned with Emerson, every "phase" is over so quickly. I know I'll get zero sleep for awhile, and it will be hard at times, but no one signs up for parenting thinking it's going to be a piece of cake. And I will gladly take two babies in diapers if it means that those babies are healthy, happy and in my arms.

"Was this planned?" Ugh. If I had a dollar for every time I was asked THAT awkward question, I'd have... alot of dollars. Please, do me a favor and never ask someone that. If they are telling you they are pregnant, clearly they are having a baby, and therefore whether it was "planned" or not, that baby is on the way, and the only thing you should say is "Congratulations!" Trust me.

"How are you feeling??" Well, frankly, for the past 12 weeks I've felt like garbage sauce. HAHA. So very tired and just nauseous basically 24 hours a day. I am finally starting to feel normal again (REJOICE!) and though the nausea did kick my butt this time, it actually went by pretty fast. Let me just say that I have subsisted entirely on Asiago bagels, meatball subs, and spaghetti (not even whole grain spaghetti-gasp!). When this baby is born addicted to carbs, I will have no one to blame but myself.

But anyway, a few months ago I wrote this post about wanting baby #2. We knew we wanted more children, we just didn't know when the "right time" would be. Luckily, that decision was made for us. A month later, I peed on a stick, and here we are! :)

There was no worrying about getting pregnant. No timing, no test taking, no planned "married people time." I know that trying to get pregnant is very consuming and stressful for many couples (we've been there) and I am very grateful we didn't have to worry about it this time. It happened because it was supposed to happen.

The timing couldn't be better. I'll have the baby after school gets out, but I'll be back before the students get back. So the only time off work I'm missing is our slowest time of year. And I'll have the whole summer off with my two precious babies.

So far, all looks healthy and perfect with this little one. PLEASE GOD take care of this little one for the next 25 weeks.

The anxiety this time around has been much better than it was with Emerson. But I still have my panic moments, and my sleepless nights. I probably won't relax until I pass the 21 week milestone, and even then, let's be honest, until he/she is in my arms.

But this baby, just like Emerson, deserves as much love, attention, and positive energy as I can give. I am treating this pregnancy like it will be my last. You just never know. So instead of freaking out all the time, I want to enjoy every moment, just like I did with Jack and Emerson.

Thanks again for all the well wishes - here we go!!!!

Emerson has been keeping a secret from you...

With all of the craziness of daddy leaving, hitting her head on a Lego, and preparing for Thanksgiving next week, Emerson has been a little preoccupied lately.

But she feels like it's finally time to come clean....

She's been keeping a secret from you.

A big one.

An exciting one.

She held out as long as she could.

But she just can't hold it in anymore.

There. She feels better now :-)

New look, same bad puns

Are your eyes playing tricks on you????

Do things look a little different from where you're sitting???

Don't worry friend, you're not alone...My blog got a fancy new makeover!!!

When I first started blogging, I used it as an outlet for my grief. It was a way to process how I was feeling after losing Jack, and it truly helped me along my journey toward healing.

Then when I became pregnant with Emerson, I used it as a diary to document all of the little things I wanted to remember about my pregnancy. I was so scared, but I didn't want to treat the experience like it wasn't special, just because I had already been pregnant the year before.

And now, I use it as a both an outlet AND a diary. An outlet to share my fears, hopes, and annoyances, but mostly a diary of my everyday life as a wife and mother.

A long time ago, someone told me that I should take all of the posts in my blog and turn them into a book. As a way to help other grieving mothers, as well as other moms who were pregnant with their rainbow babies. But what this blog has evolved into is a snapshot into my life and feelings at any given point.

What is most important to me, though, is that some day my darling girl can look back on all of these posts and learn a little bit more about her mom and who she was at this time in her life. As morbid as this sounds, if I got hit by a bus tomorrow, I'd want Emerson to have some insight into her mother's personality (as kooky as it might be).

So instead of a book, I decided to turn this blog into a digital scrapbook of sorts. A 21st century diary, complete with photos, ad libs, and puns. And since I won't be able to remember every single little detail of Emerson's childhood, I am committed to keeping it as up to date as possible.

Hope you like it! A big thanks to Jenn for helping me look fancy!!

One year ago today

It was April 2011. After months of sadness, and just feeling like.... not myself, I had finally reached a turning point. I had accepted what happened to Jack, and though I wasn't "over it" because I'll never truly be over it, I was ready to look forward to the future. I hardly ever cried anymore, which was a huge change from the daily crying sessions I'd had in the fall.

We had talked in great depth about when it would be the "right" time to get pregnant again. Part of me wanted to get pregnant immediately, but I knew it wouldn't be fair to our future baby if I wasn't truly healed from our painful and traumatic experience. I wanted to enjoy a new pregnancy as much as I could, because I already knew it would be anxiety-ridden regardless.

I had resigned myself in that I knew if it was meant to be, it would happen when it was supposed to happen. Because don't we often look back on the life-altering moments in our lives and think "Man, that was good timing"?

On the morning of Saturday, April 16th, 2011, I woke up really early. Like really early for a Saturday. (Which makes me giggle now because I used to be able to sleep from 10pm to 10am every weekend - hahahaha!) I knew on that early morning if I were pregnant, a home pregnancy test would register positive.

But I didn't feel pregnant.

I had been pregnant before, but I felt nothing. No symptoms, no signs. Just that sense of "If its meant to be, it'll be." The other thing that was different about this day was that Jon said to me the week before "I think we're going to have a baby in December, and it's going to be a girl." He seemed so confident, so I was afraid to take a test because I didn't want him to be disappointed. I had also promised him that I wouldn't take a test "early" so as to not get a false negative and hold out hope when it wasn't going to happen this time.

But, like the good wife that I am, I ignored his request and stealthily snuck into the bathroom to grab a test. I had a bunch of really cheap tests, because after all, it only costs $1 to see if you're pregnant. Or 60 cents in my case - what a bargain!

So I take this cheapie test, and I don't see any second pink line.

Dammit. I was so bummed. I grabbed the stupid test in all of its smugness and went downstairs. I set it on the coffee table (gross!) just so I could wallow in my disappointment.

About 10 seconds later, my eyes did a double take. What the........ wait, what is that? Palms on the table in disbelief, I tried to adjust my eyes with the dim of the early morning.

No, that's not what I think it is.....

I walk outside and hold the test up to the light. Still in my PJs. Hello everyone in my neighborhood, why don't you come out at this exact moment. I didn't care.

There was a second line. A faint second line, but it was definitely there.

I ran upstairs and basically jumped on Jon and scared the dickens out of him. He thought he was being attacked in his sleep. Nope, just me! With tears in my eyes, I said:

"Merry Christmas, Daddy."

It took a second to register, and then he said.... "No way." I nod my head vigorously as I hand him my 60 cent test. "Do you see a line, is there a line, ohmygod if you don't see a line I'm going to cry even harder." He takes it into the bathroom, inspects it for about 10 seconds, and then gets a huge smile on his face.

"You're pregnant."

Now all of a sudden my cheapie test wasn't good enough. I ran to the store to buy a $17 test, just so I could see the most beautiful word I had ever seen:

Actual stick I peed on

Now a year later, I can't imagine life any differently. That tiny pink line turned into this beautiful baby sitting on my lap right now, hitting the keys as I type.

And that's the story about how 60 cents changed the rest of my life.

Dear Kate Hudson...

This is how you look 8 months after having a baby.

Oh and also?? You're a b***h.

Love,

Audra

Workin' on my fitness

So before I got pregnant for the first time, I was in love with running.

Well, when I say "in love" I mean I was in love with results that running gave me, and I LOVED how I felt after the run. During??? Not so much. But I digress.

Before I got pregnant with Emerson, I was honestly way too depressed to start working out again. It took until about March of 2011, 6 months after our loss, for me to get my motivation back. So naturally, after dropping $300 on a membership to the gym down the street, I found out I was pregnant 2 weeks later. Funny how things work.

As of today, I am 6 pounds away from my per-pregnancy weight. I'm happy about this, I really am. But as any woman who has had a baby can attest, your body is totally different after pregnancy. I'm all like, "Where'd my waist go??" and "You mean, my stomach doesn't just get flat right away??" HA!

So in order to get back to my "happy" weight, where I feel best about myself and have the most energy, I'll need to lose more than those last 6 pounds. But more importantly, I need to get back into the fitness routine I had circa 2009/2010.

I am someone's mother now, so I'm not interested in prancing around in bikinis and belly shirts. No no.

But I just want to feel good about me. I don't need to look good for anyone else. Well, for Jon too I guess, but that man has seen me at my worst (and I mean, the WORST) and still calls me beautiful, so we're good there I think ;-)

I'm starting out small, because Em is my number one priority and I don't want to do anything that will hinder my ability to nurse her. But I've started eliminating processed foods, and things are going well. Basically, no white carbs and nothing out of a box with 279 ingredients. She seems happy with it too.

I'm also obsessed with pinning different workout plans and healthy recipes. Here are some of my favorites I can't wait to try**

**once that whole pesky task of being medically cleared by the doctor happens.

Flat belly moves... important for post-partum gals like me

Source: shape.com via Audra on Pinterest

Speaks for itself

Source: gonnagiveallmysecretsaway.tumblr.com via Audra on Pinterest

6 moves to get toned arms

Source: active.com via Audra on Pinterest

8 week bikini ready plan. SO not ready for this yet.

Source: shareitfitness.wordpress.com via Audra on Pinterest

Who doesn't want toned and sexy thighs Now?!?

Source: tracyandersonmethod.com via Audra on Pinterest

How to lose 15 pounds in a month... if I get desperate before Lin's wedding

Source: bodyrevamp.com via Audra on Pinterest

A week's worth of healthy, flat-belly recipes

Source: womenshealthmag.com via Audra on Pinterest

How to do lunges correctly

Source: superskinnyme.com via Audra on Pinterest

List of healthy foods to help with grocery shopping

Source: 1fitchick.blogspot.com via Audra on Pinterest

Marisa Miller's workout. It's gotta be good, right??

Source: shape.com via Audra on Pinterest

Of course, all I have to do is look at this beautiful baby and I am reminded how it was all worth it :)

Feeling lazy

I was going to write a whole post about how much I love Prenatal Pilates, but I'm feeling lazy today;..... soooooo I'm going to sum it up with some quick word association:

Prenatal Pilates. Awesome. Eliminates back pain. Helps sore hips. Keeps muscles strong. Helps control rapid weight gain. Easy to do. 10 minute intervals. Pick and choose your own workout. Can do everyday or once a week. Feel strong like bull. Soothing pilates-voiced instructor. Purchased super cheap on Amazon. If you're pregnant, get this. Won't be sorry. The end.

Progress?

So it's December and I'm having a baby this month. No big deal right!?!?

In between "nesting" all weekend a.k.a. cleaning our entire house from top to bottom, and finishing up some minor last-minute must-have items (4 boxes of garlic bread, helllllo), I decided to look back at my Baby Bucket list from October and see how I did.

Audra's Baby Bucket List

1. Create a baby bucket list. Done. Success already! I am only holding myself accountable for the items placed on the list back in October. Anything else is negotiable.

2.  Watch "The Happiest Baby on the Block" DVD with Jon. Many, many mommas have told me this DVD saved their lives when their babies were first born, and helped them achieve longer stretches of sleep in those early weeks when you're basically a zombie. DONE! Watched it last Monday. That man is a magician. I highly recommend watching this DVD. The book is good, but the DVD is way more helpful because he actually demonstrates the techniques, and you can clearly see them working.

3. Take a mini babymoon with my husband. Went to Chicago in October and had a blast!

4. Read at least 3 non-baby books. I already have Until Tuesday and The First Husband on my reading queue for Book Club, but I'll take other recommendations! I will count this as done. I did read the First Husband, and I listened to two non-baby books on CD, so that counts right??? Hey, it makes my commute more effective. I "read" Lies that Chelsea Handler Told Me and Last Night at Chateau Marmount. I think Chelsea Handler is hysterical, and this book was no exception. I was "that"girl who was laughing to herself in the car. People passing me probably thought I was nutso. 

As for the other book... I was really excited to read it, since it was written by the same author as the Devil Wears Prada. Loved that book, loved the movie, so no brainer right?? Wrong. The main character was a weak pushover, and I didn't like the ending. Not on my list of recommend books; however, I'm still counting this one as complete!

5. Re-organize the following places in our home: Master bedroom closet, attic, basement, dining room and let's throw in the garage if I'm feeling crazy. All but garage are done, and that's Jon's cave/domain, so I'm letting him handle it. Baby girl won't be out there assembling cars anytime soon, so I'm not too worried.

6. Put up a Christmas tree by December 5th. Done by November 29th. Success!

7. Go see at least one movie in the theater with Jon, and one with my friends (Good thing I already have a date with Holly and Jess to see Breaking Dawn in November). We meant to go this weekend, but there was nothing out that looked very appealing (and shockingly, Jon didn't want to go see an encore of Breaking Dawn with me.) But we DID subscribe to Netflix, so we've seen a few newish movies together over the last few weeks. Like the Lincoln Lawyer - great flick, and who doesn't love Matthew McC??

8. Continue working out at least 4 days a week, including prenatal pilates. Um, yeah... about that....

9. Write a blog post about the amazement that is prenatal pilates. Tomorrow seems like a good day for this.

10. Have all Christmas shopping/wrapping done by December 5th. Haha, self. Good luck with that. Actually, we were done on the 2nd. Boo yah!!

11. Figure out how to use Skype and video chat. Pretty much. It's downloaded and ready to go. I want the grandparents to be able to see kiddo on weekends when it's too snowy for them to visit.

12. Make and freeze 2 weeks worth of meals. Meh, after eating one frozen meal and gagging, I have abandoned this plan. I just don't care for leftovers, especially when they taste like freezer. I do have lots of meals planned out, and Jon can handle all of the grocery shopping. I am okay with this.

13. Take a "Baby Prep 101" class. Scheduled for 11/6!  DONE! Now I know everything there is to know about being a parent. Bahahahahahahahahahaha.

14. Enjoy sleeping in while I can! Everyone gives me that advice, but since I really don't sleep in now, I am finding it hard to force myself to do it. Maybe once the 3rd trimester fatigue kicks in I'll feel differently. Still sleeping like a... wait for it.... baby. Thank you God.

15. Get at least one video of baby girl moving around in my belly. It's so cute to watch, but she seems to move alot more when no one is around. Done! Check out her escape attempt from a few weeks ago.

16. Update my iPod with some new tunes. I honestly don't even know where my iPod is. Whoops.

17. Find the local publication that advertises family-friendly things to do around the area. I know it exists, but I can't find it! And I want to make sure she gets to experience as many cool things as I did as a kiddo, from pumpkin picking to hiking to cheesy festivals and the like. Found Columbus Parent Magazine at my library, and it's pretty nifty. most of the things will not be applicable for our little one until next summer at the earliest, but it's nice to have a heads-up and get some things put on our calendar... Circleville Pumpkin Show 2012, here we come!!


Phew... I'm tired just looking at this list. I feel so accomplished. That means I'm ready to be a parent now right???

She's trying to escape!!!

The stripes must make her think she's in prison....

Sleep now (or forever hold your peace)

When you are pregnant, you get all SORTS of unsolicited advice.

Don't eat this, eat a bunch of that, don't walk too much, don't forget to walk everyday, you're not gaining enough weight, you look huge are you sure you're not having twins, use cloth diapers, don't use cloth diapers, pacifiers are the devil, pacifiers are a necessity and here's the best kind, you're carrying high your doctor is wrong that must be a boy, you're carrying high you're having a girl aren't you, you won't be able to breastfeed because it's too hard, breastfeeding is the best thing you can do for your child, how can you eat that piece of cheese don't you know that babies hate cheese?!?!!?!?

Et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

For the most part, I just smile and nod and say thank you when someone offers me advice that I haven't asked for. I think people mean well, and want you to learn from their wisdom (or their mistakes). I get that. I take everything with a grain of salt though, because, as demonstrated above, advice is often contradictory.

In fact, the one thing I've truly accept about parenting advice?? What works for one baby may not and probably will not work for another. Humans are unique, complex creatures with varied temperaments, and I for one am grateful that this little girl bounding away in my belly is, literally, one of a kind.

One piece of advice that I have been hearing non-stop lately: "Oh, you're having a baby?? Sleep now."

via

Um, what?? I do sleep now. I sleep every day in fact. Though my daily routine varies, the one constant in all of my 27 years has been that every single day, I sleep. It's necessary for survival.

However, as we know because science tells us, you can't "bank" sleep, nor can you truly catch up on lost sleep time. If you pull an all-nighter and crash the next day, you may be able to function, but you're still not going to feel as good as you would have with 8.75 hours of sleep on both of those nights.

So, as well-meaning as the "Sleep now" advice is, honestly, it's not helpful. I completely understand that, as a new parent, I am going to be sleep-deprived. Like, more tired than I've ever been in my life. I am not that naive. But am I willing to be a zombie for a few months/years in order to take home a sweet, healthy baby?? You bet your ass I am. For me, there couldn't be a smaller price to pay.

And speaking of sleep... I have heard so many horror stories about the end of pregnancy. How you're miserable, uncomfortable, and all you want is for the baby to get out. Somehow, I think the universe has decided to give me a thumbs-up on this matter, because I am sleeping like a CHAMP these days. Even better than before I was pregnant I think. Knock.on.wood. Of course, I have a solid recipe of conditions that I think contribute to my blissful slumber:

Me, minus the "Beauty" and asleep for 100 years part

- Dark, cool room
- White noise
- King-size bed with a plush matttress topper
- A hubby who doesn't snore, bed hog, or steal the covers
- Four, yes four, pillows. One of each side of me, and two behind my head.

Ahhhhh, just thinking about it makes me sleepy.

This is what my weekend consisted of

Making this alfredo sauce and pairing it with spaghetti and bacon. A fat-filled dream come true.

Walking at a glacial pace on the treadmill at Snap Fitness while watching Serendipity. John Cusack is a cutie, in that weird, was probably a cute guy in your high school but you never noticed him, kind of way.

Discovering that we still own both a Playstation 2 AND the Family Guy video game for it and wasting 90 minutes of my day playing it. And then I painted a giant L on my forehead.

Spending TWO HOURS at Lowe's helping Jon pick out lumber for baby girl's closet. And when I say help, I really mean I sat on the industrial cart and looked at my fingernails while he painstakingly chose the best quality items for her nursery.  I knew I married a handyman, but seriously... the stuff this man knows how to do blows me away. I'm excited to share nursery and bathroom pictures once those projects are complete... hopefully in the next few weeks!

Taking a trip to Buy Buy Baby to buy buy some essentials for our sweet little nugget. I picked up some Carter's newborn-sized long sleeve bodysuits with matching pants. Some people tell me not to bother with newborn size, because most babies grow out of them quickly. Others say that their little ones wore them for over a month before switching over to the 0-3 month size. So I'm keeping the tags on just in case. But aren't they sweet??

I also bought her an infant-sized Santa hat, just to further her humiliation when I bring her baby books out on prom night.

Mexican food and fro-yo with my friends Heather and Skye, and her two little ones (who are adorable and are excited to meet their new friend!). We went to a place near here called Spoon Me, and though it is no Orange Leaf by any means, it did hit the spot.

Annnnd, since I have a slight problem... I may have ordered two more infant headbands for baby girl. Whoever told me it was an addiction was NOT joking. But I bought these two from an Etsy shop of a friend's cousin, so I feel like I'm just supporting entrepreneurship and am therefore justified.

Also, thanks to good old DST, I slept 10 GLORIOUS HOURS on both Saturday and Sunday mornings. I really need to knock on a giant piece of wood, but as of now (33 weeks and counting) I am still sleeping wonderfully and feeling really, really good. The pregnancy gods are being kind to me, so now I need to come up with some sort of sacrifice to keep them happy for the next 48 days.

What fun/awesome/unproductive things did you do this weekend??