What a Difference a Year Makes

September 18, 2013. One of the two worst days of my life. 

 I don't want to re-live it, because even when I started re-reading these posts (Parts 1 and 2) I started crying immediately.

I will never forget the indescribable feelings of utter helplessness and fear. The love of a mother for her children is an aching, consuming, throw-yourself-in-front-of-a-train-to-protect-your-child type of love, but that day, we were faced with my worst nightmare: losing my precious Anna. 

We had already lost our son, and here we were. Faced with the real possibility that once again, our sweet, loved, wanted baby was going to be taken away from us.

But, as we know, my little Anna is a brave, strong, beautiful FIGHTER and is happy and healthy today.

Perfect. Growing. Normal. A few scars, but no signs of the pain she experienced and as sweet and sassy as could be.

Despite what your beliefs may be, you can't look at that sweet girl happily swinging and not think someone is watching out for her. 

I know I do.

Our Labor Day Weekend

Whoops. I started writing this post last Monday.... I'll just pretend it's still Tuesday the 2nd, how's that sound?

Though parts of our Labor Day weekend were quite laborious (fittingly), I must say that it was a fitting ending to what has been maybe the best summer of my life. Summer recap coming soon! :)

To start, we had the opportunity to go watch "Frozen" on the Jumbotron at Ohio Stadium. As if I haven't seen Frozen literally 150 times and could recite it line by line, getting to view it in this completely different way was such a cool experience. I love my job!

Anna watching intently.

The girls were beside themselves, and Emerson is still talking about it!

"Mommy, I'm so happy I saw Frozen on the big screen! Mommy, the screen went all the way up to the ceiling!" Too cute for words. 

After sleeping in on Saturday, we decided to take advantage of the long weekend and do some projects around the house. While Jon and his dad laid tile in the basement, we took the girls to Home Goods for some pillow shopping. 

I wanted to add some more color to the family room, because the purple and gray was getting boring after a year, so these fun pillows and a few new accessories really spiced things up in there.

The real problem started as my eyes gazed from our new colorful family room into the kitchen. All of a sudden, the dark brown that was perfectly fine a week ago HAD TO GO.

Before:

 

And then once the brown was gone, the hallway color that I wasn't completely sold on as it was suddenly looked SO WRONG as well, so it had to go too.

And then I couldn't paint the downstairs hallway without painting the upstairs hallway right?

And then I couldn't ignore the fact that we never re-painted the guest bedroom after we switched it with Anna's room, so it was still the same baby pink, which is fine for baby girls but not for a guest bedroom, so naturally it had to go too!

We're just putting the finishing touches on it this week, so look for a before and after photo next week!

 

An Anniversary Surprise

A couple weekends ago, we hosted a surprise 40th wedding anniversary party for my in-laws on Kelley's Island. Jon's parents took their 1-day honeymoon on Kelley's island 40 years ago but haven't been back in ages. They've spent the last 40 years putting all of their time, energy and attention into their children, so their children decided to pay them back in a small way. 

We invited their close friends and family for a celebration, and my awesome friend Jean-Marie was on-hand to take photos of the event. She was the best investment ever! I love how many candid moments she captured, and these are pictures and memories we'll have forever.

 Confusion. Then surprise. Then happiness. We pulled it off!

Anna is too cool for Hollywood.

Who let that girl have chocolate???? ;-)

Emerson is obsessed with golf carts now. Birthday gift idea???

Though we were nervous that we wouldn't pull the whole thing off without suspicion, it all fell into place and was the perfect day. 

Happy anniversary you crazy kids!

I've finally reached that point

My entire life, I've been counting down to something. Always waiting for the next big event, the next milestone, the next, way-more-exciting-than-what-is-happening-now thing to happen. I even wrote an entire blog post dedicated to countdowns almost 4 years ago, when I was at a very different place in my life.

When I was little, the "big things" were so innocent:

"I can't wait for that sleepover at my friend's house."

"I can't wait for Beauty & the Beast to come out on video."

"I can't wait for our trip to Disney World."

When I reached adolescence, it was all about wishing my youth away so I could be "older":

"I can't wait to turn 13 so I can be a teenager."

"I can't wait to turn 16 so I can drive."

"I can't wait to turn 18 so I can be an adult'" (HA!)

"I can't wait to turn 21 so I can (legally) drink alcohol."

"I can't wait to start my first 'real' job."

And then into adulthood, it was all about hitting the "adult" milestones

"I can't wait to finish grad school!"

 "I can't wait to buy a house!"

"I can't wait until our wedding!"

"I can't wait to have babies!" 

And finally, the journey into parenthood:

"I can't wait to be pregnant again."

"I can't wait to hold that baby in my arms."

"I can't wait until she sleeps through the night."

"I can't wait until she walks"

 

"I can't wait until she talks" 

See a theme here? Waiting, waiting, waiting. Lots of waiting. 30 years of waiting in fact.

Some would argue that I'm simply a future-oriented person who gets excited over the little things. This is true. But on a 14-hour drive in the middle of the night on our way back from Charleston, I had a revelation of sorts.

I was lamenting to Jon that our summer vacation was over, the last of 3 trips I've had the privilege to go on this summer, and that meant fall was right around the corner.  Fall is an extremely busy time in the life of a college career counselor, so I knew the "lazy" days of summer were coming to an end.

But then I looked in the back seat, at my sleeping babies, and all of a sudden I had this overwhelming urge to freeze time. They both looked so angelic, so peaceful, and I will have that beautiful image in my brain for the rest of my life.

Because I finally realized: "I don't want this time to end."

I've spent 30 years waiting for the next big thing, and now, I realize the biggest and best thing is right here, right now. I've always wanted to speed things up, and now, I am at the place in my life where things are so good, I'd be content to stay in this bubble for the rest of my life.

I'm not saying my life has reached it's peak; far from it. There are goals to achieve, memories to make, and I still want to contribute to the greater good in a way that I have not discovered yet. I'm still going to look forward to events with the same joy I always have.

But after all of the waiting, the wondering, the struggles, and the pain, I don't want to wish away one more second. Every second I have on Earth, and every second I have as a wife, mother, daughter, sister and friend is a second worth cherishing. I get it now.