2015: A Year in Review

It seems a little bit silly to be posting a year in review on this blog, considering I've made a grand total of 13 posts on it all year. But, these posts are refreshing and timeless to look back on, so I'm gonna take a stab at it nonetheless.

Odd-numbered years are always seem to be such a conundrum for me. On the one hand, the BEST things in my life have happened in odd-numbered years (Wedding 2009, Emerson's birth 2011, Anna's birth 2013), but these years also seem to be dotted with one or two huge challenges that we've had to overcome. (2009 = Jon's architecture firm going under and him being forced to change careers; 2011 = me changing jobs while 6 months pregnant and having a pregnancy wracked with anxiety after losing our first baby, 2013 = Anna being in the hospital).

2015 was no exception. Though I was reminded day in and day out that I am incredibly lucky and incredibly blessed, the good times in 2015 will be flanked by the loss of one of the two most important men in my life.

However, being the eternal optimist that I am, I am taking a look back at 2015 and recounting all of the food, friends, fun, and family that made this year so special.

January 

In January, I revealed our Basement Renovation. I love the value that it has added, as well as the size, space and function to our house, and it continues to be one of my favorite spaces in our home.

Even cooler? Our basement was chosen as one of 3 spaces featured in the Columbus Monthly Home & Garden Magazine's summer issue. I felt a little like Charlotte York as they were taking the pictures, and the whole experience was pretty cool! As always, major kudos to Jon for taking on such an insane project and turning it in to something spectacular.

February

February was the month I discovered Home Chef, and my life has never been the same. 10 months later and we still get a box almost every single week. I know it's not a practical choice for everyone, but for this busy working mom whose daughters eat like birds, Home Chef was a gift directly from Heaven. Or Chicago. Where they're located. Whatever.

March

In March, I started my new job. Though I was incredibly sad to leave my coworkers and a job I loved, I am very happy with the direction my career is headed in, and I also love all of the new people and friends I've been able to make. Not to mention the discounts on clothing and candles - hard to compete with that! ;-)

April

In the midst of learning a new job, most of my April was spent outdoors with these two cuties:

After being cooped up all winter, it was nice to get to play outside again, and (though this is hard to believe) it was Anna's first spring as a walker, so it was fun to watch her explore the playground and increase her confidence.

April was also super fun because I got to visit Geneva-on-the-Lake for the first time for my friends Stephanie's bachelorette party. What a gem of a place that is just tucked away on the shore of Lake Erie. We stayed at the Lodge and it was just gorgeous. I honestly didn't know water could look that blue in Ohio. Color me impressed!

I had an absolute blast wine tasting and enjoying the perfect weather with some of my best friends. My favorite stop was definitely the South River Winery. I could've sat in that Adirondack chair all day, drinking in the sun. And the Merlot.

May

May is always a jam-packed, fun, and wickedly awesome month, and May 2015 certainly did not disappoint.

Because May 9th is also Anna's birthday and our wedding anniversary, Jon surprised me a week early with a very thoughtful Mother's Day present. The girls love being on their bike (though honestly just sitting it in more than riding - haha)

On Anna's birthday we celebrated with a simple brunch birthday party, because this girl loves her waffles. It's crazy how much this sweet girl has grown, even since May. Her vocabulary is ridiculous and her personality is really shining through. I am in love!

Also on May 9th (why not?) we attended Stephanie and Mike's wedding at the Westin downtown. Such a gorgeous venue, such a beautiful couple, and such a fun wedding and a way to celebrate love with people you love. Love fest all around.

 

I got to go to New York City a couples of times in May for work, so I took advantage and checked out Serendipity 3 with my favorite (former) NYC resident. I wonder if the owners of that place are grateful for the publicity that the movie brought it, or not? Deep thoughts.

We also got to attend our good friend Brian's wedding in New Jersey with our whole family, which was so fun!

And for May wedding #3, we flew to Puerto Rico. It was terrible.....

Just kidding, it was amazing and I loved every second of it. Also, I can confirm that Puerto Rico has the best pina coladas in the world.

June

June was pretty easy and low key after a busy May. Emerson started ballet lessons, and I enjoyed Food Truck Wednesdays at work.

July
Then toward the end of June, I got a call from my sister that changed everything. My Dad was in the hospital, and we weren't sure what was wrong. After 3 weeks of driving up to Akron and praying for a miracle, we said goodbye to my wonderful father on July 14, 2015. Not a day goes by that I don't think of him. July 2015 was tough to say the least.

I am eternally grateful for my friends whose sweet gestures, calls and texts during this time really lifted my spirits. I am a very lucky girl.

August

Most people turn to normal things like exercise, reading, or watching movies to take their minds off of their grief. I turned to Home Renovation. We (well, mostly Jon) spent much of August ripping out our old carpet and installing new dark bamboo floors on the first floor of our house. It was quite the undertaking, but I am IN LOVE with the finished product. A little before and after action:

 

 

September

In September we enjoyed (what we thought were) the last remnants of summer, went to Cedar Point (after my company bought it out for the day, which was SO cool!), and my big girl Emerson had her first day of preschool! I can't believe I have a daughter big enough to be in school! Crazy. I also had several awesome (and very needed) girls nights.

October

We had a blast doing fall things in October. Pumpkin patches, playing in the leaves, and Trick or Treat. Both girls wanted to be princesses for Halloween, which works out well, since we booked a weeklong trip to Disney in May. I am so excited to take them and watch their eyes light up when they meet the characters. They'll be 3 and 4, which I think is the perfect age for this trip. We can't wait!

November 
November was a blast! We hosted a baby shower for my bestie Holly, with an "Adventure Awaits" theme. It was so much fun to plan, and her baby girl got spoiled!

We also took a huge leap and booked a trip to Europe. We  used our United airline card for everything, and were shocked to see we could fly directly to Switzerland for free, so we went for it. Sometimes, you just have to book it. We both want to see Venice and Tuscany, we decided to stop making excuses to just go. Our girls are at a good age where, though we'll miss them, we know they'll be in good hands with Ma and Papa while we're gone.


December

Lastly, December has been busy and magical as always. Filled with food, friends, family and fun. We celebrated Emerson's birthday with a quiet little Ariel party, took Jon to Third and Hollywood and Hofbrahaus for his birthday, and celebrated Christmas with the most wonderful gifts I have ever and will ever receive, my beautiful daughters.

Phew. That was alot. If you made it to the end of this post, bless you.

All in all, 2015 was a wonderful year. Though it will be a year I'll never forget for one really sad reason, there were so many bright and happy points that I can't help but feel blessed looking back on it.

In 8 hours, 2015 will be over and we get to start anew. I am very much looking forward to everything 2016 has to offer!

Happy New Year!

xoxo

Fall-ing in love with Fall

Is it bad that when I went to create this post, I completely forgot how? Meaning, it's been so long since I've posted something that I forgot the url to Blogger? Yep, that's pretty bad. But what can I say? I'm only human.

Since the last few posts on this blog have been pretty heavy, I thought I'd share some photos of what we've been up to the last few months. We've had a wonderful fall, and even though it's been borderline crazy and very busy, I wouldn't trade it for anything.

I swear I say this every year, but my girls are are in the MOST fun stage right now. They're playing together, they can both communicate their needs and wants, they can entertain themselves but also like playing with Mommy. It's just so fun!

This fall, we went to two different fall festivals, one at the Stratford Ecological Farm and one at Hidden Creek. Though Emerson LOVED flying kites at SEF (in fact she asked for an Ariel kite for her birthday she was so smitten), hands down I thought Hidden Creek was the best pumpkin patch we've been to in Central Ohio. We went there with Emerson's preschool and there were just so many activities for little kids. We could've stayed all day.

And yes, I usually let my daughter dress herself, and I love it when she picks crazy getups like this ;-)

We also had a BLAST at Halloween. Both girls wanted to be Disney princesses, so we took advantage of the 50% off sale at the Disney store and stocked up on dresses for our trip in May...more on that later! :)

I've never been a big fan of Halloween. I was such a chicken I would practically rip my friends arms' off when we went to haunted houses, and I am still scared of clowns thanks to Stephen King. But Halloween as a mom is a completely different ball game. To watch them absorb the new experience, to see all of the costumes, and to delight in the fact that strangers give them candy just for saying "Chicken Cheat!" (at least, that's what Anna thinks you say! ;-) It has been so amazing, and like many things with them I am soaking it all in since I know it won't last forever.

Well looky there! I ripped off the Band-Aid and made an entire blog post! I have lots more memories from this fall that I'd like to capture on here (Holly's baby shower, planning our 2016 trips, all of our home updates, etc.), so hopefully this motivates me to get cracking on that. I can't lose sight of my reason for keeping this space in my teeny tiny corner of the internet.... to help me remember all of the happy parts of this beautiful, blessed life I've been given. I'm working on it :)

5 years

5 years ago today, everything I knew about life, love and the world around me completely changed.

5 years ago, I experienced the most significant, most debilitating pain and sorrow a human could feel. To have to say goodbye to the son that we loved and wanted SO BADLY. To say goodbye to a life that hadn't even begun. To watch our dreams of starting a perfect life as a family of three shattered before our eyes.

You would think that 5 years later I've reached acceptance. That my grief over Jack is gone because I have my two sweet, perfect daughters here to take the heartache away.

But no. It's still there. It will always be there.

I don't know if I'll ever get to a point where thinking of Jack doesn't immediately make me cry. Unlike losing my Dad, which has been so hard these past two months, I don't have any of the happy memories with Jack to get me through the tough times. Jack never got to take a breath, meet his siblings, or get bigger.

September has never been a good month for us. It's the month we lost Jack, the month of Anna's scary ordeal two years ago, and now it's the month where my Dad will no longer celebrate his birthdays because he's gone. It's also the title of a really horrible song by Daughtry. When September 1st comes around, I find myself wishing the month would just be over because there are so many painful memories.

With all that said, I know one thing for absolute certain. My Dad and Jack would NOT want us to waste one second of this beautiful month being sad. Dad would insist that we go outside for hikes and enjoy the cooler temperatures. And I know in my heart that Jack would want to watch his little sisters play in the leaves and enjoy the time outside.

5 years later, I am still hurting over the loss of our sweet baby boy. But his tiny little life and perfect soul have absolutely served a purpose and will continue to do so. I know there is no way I could be the kind of mother I am, wife I am, and person I want to be if I hadn't had Jack.

I want to continue attempting to (and usually failing, but attempting is the most important part) live a life that would make them proud. To love others, to do good, and to be happy.

I started this blog 5 years ago to document my grief, and from this point forward, I only want to document the joy in our lives. I want to keep the memory of the most important people I have lost alive, and use their image to make a happy life for our daughters.

So September, from now on, I am turning over a new leaf.

My Dad

On July 14^th, 2015, Heaven gained one of its brightest angels. My Dad was one of the most wonderful people I will ever know. No one can say they didn’t like Rex. He was kind, generous, compassionate, and very passionate about so many things. He was hard not to love.

To say I am devastated just doesn’t cover it. No one can possibly prepare you for the death of a parent, especially at 31 years old. Even on my last day with him, I was still in such denial that he might not make it through his illness because I always, always thought Dad would be a centenarian. I never imagined my Dad wouldn't be here for me and with me.

Many of us spend our entire lives saying we don’t want to end up like our parents, or at least don’t want to be just like our parents, but as I have reflected on my Dad’s life and legacy, I have been blindsided by how many lessons, blessings and happy moments in my life have been and will be directly orchestrated by this wonderful man.

His obituary captured his life so well, but I want to take a few minutes to share some of the hundreds of things I loved most about my Dad.

He was adventurous. I climbed mountains and hiked trails and camped in more campsites by the age of 12 than most people will in their entire lives. Now make no mistake, I am not an outdoor girl, as anyone who knows me knows that my idea of “roughing it” these days is staying at a Best Western, but what his adventurous spirit stirred in me was a love and appreciation for nature and all things beautiful. And yes, that is a photo of him swinging from a vine in the middle of the woods at age 77.

He was protective. He did some crazy stuff in his day, but when it came to his kids, he always played it safe. We wore helmets and seatbelts. He didn’t let us drink pop and always made sure we had each food group covered in every meal. He taught me to drive with expert skill. He wouldn’t let a boy honk the horn and have me run out. That little sh*thead had to pick me up at the door thank you very much. I was Daddy's little girl and no one was allowed to disrespect me in any way, ever. I guarantee he is the reason I didn't settle for some loser and waited until I found the man my Dad could trust with my heart. 

He made sure to always capture the moment, and I am so grateful he was our family photographer. Even though we teased him relentlessly for not making the switch to digital (yes, he still had his film processed at CVS), he always said it was important to keep every memory, every picture, even the less than flattering ones because it was a part of your life that you can't ever get back.

He always did the right thing. He took us to church every Sunday. He picked up litter. He helped little old ladies with their groceries. He donated to so many types of charities. He never raised his voice. He didn’t let us get away with things we shouldn’t get away with. He absolutely showed me the difference between right and wrong, but also knowing when to live a little.

He had a passion for food that is rivaled only by me. Rex and I lived and breathed for food. It’s at the forefront of our minds at all times, and every meal we eat is THE BEST EVER. It makes me smile that I inherited that critical aspect of life from him :-) The only difference is that he chewed each bite 60 times and was always the last one to leave the table, whereas I inhale my food in 60 seconds or less. But maybe I’ll try eating slower in his memory…. maybe.

He never missed a holiday or occasion. He showed up to everything. My first half marathon? He was waiting there at the finish line. He sent me birthday cards three days in advance, always with a lottery ticket inside, and always with a message of “I love you Audra, and I will always be your friend.” My heart breaks thinking that I'll never get one of those cards again </3


For the rest of my life, I'm going to have to live with a series of "shoulds." I should have called him more. I should have written him more letters and sent him more cards. I should have been a better daughter. But that is my cross to bear, because I know that is he in Heaven and is not suffering, not sad, and not resentful. His last (very weak) words to me were "I Love You" and I will never, ever forget that moment for the rest of my life. Even in his final hours he showed his love to me. I will miss him every single day.

To be with family and to be outside were Dad's favorite things. I'd like to believe he's relaxing by the mountains up there, taking in the beauty and spending time with his grandson Jack. That is an image I can live with.

29 Kisses

Every night, we tuck the girls into bed. And every night, they go through the same routine. 

  Anna wants to read evvvvvvery book in her room.We usually settle on 3 or 4. But it's never enough. The girl loves her books. So when we finally say "Ok Anna, it's time for night night!" she loses it. LOSES it. Cries so hard.

But then, we turn on her noise machine and start singing "Twinkle Twinkle" to her, and she drops the act. She lays her head on my shoulder and twirls her hair. I sing it three times so I can have that head on my shoulder just a little longer. 

With Emerson, after bargaining and pleading and making excuses, we finally get her in bed and I blow her kisses. We've made a game out of it. I ask her every night how many kisses she wants, and she counts to 29. For some reason, she has landed on 29 as the ideal number of kisses. So, in rapid succession, I kiss my hand 29 times, take a huge breath in, and blow 29 air kisses to my sweet girl. Sometimes she asks for one more for good luck.

Very small, insignificant moments to anyone else, but as their mother who knows I won't get to read to them or blow them kisses every night before bed forever, I live for these moments. 

I am the first to admit that I'm tired at the end of the night, and that it's nice to have them go to bed so I can get things done, clean, work out, etc. But I wouldn't trade that hair twirl or those 29 kisses for anything in the entire world.