Thoughts and Prayers

For the people in Japan, Hawaii, and dozens of other nations affected by the tsunami today. My heart goes out to them - very sad and scary.

Bad habits

So, I have a little problem. It's a problem that I've been dealing with for 26 years, and every time I try an pretend like I'm cured, it creeps right back up on me.

My name is Audra, and I'm a nail biter.

I find it to be such a disgusting habit, yet I do it so often that I don't even realizing I'm doing it. I go through stages where I won't do it for a long time, but I always come back to it. Yikes.

WikiHow gives a list of 14 things you can do to stop biting your nails. They don't work. I've tried them.

So this got me thinking about other bad habits. I've got quite a few:

I always leave at the last minute. I drink coffee sometimes instead of eating breakfast. I leave my clothes on the spare bed instead of hanging them up at night. I never wash my jeans. I use ! too many ! exclamation points ! in my ! emails! I talk too much in some situations, and not enough in others.

So are these things I should work on, or are they quirks that make me who I am?? I'm not sure, but if you have advice, I'd love to hear it :) I'd really like to nail this down. Get it? Nail?? ** Oops, forgot to add my bad habit of using puns way too often **

Wag More, Bark Less

I saw this bumper sticker the other day, and it made me smile:

What a simple, yet profound/awesome message. Like dogs, we as humans need to embrace the happy/positive/exciting things in life, and learn to be better listeners. If more people "barked less" i.e. listened to others instead of talking about themselves, and focused on the positive instead of the negative, I think the world would be a better place.

I think Gloria from Modern Family was onto something:

Jay (explaining that Gloria is improperly saying "doggy dog world"): Well, it's "dog eat dog world."

Gloria: That doesn't make any sense.  Who wants to live in a world where dogs eat each other?   "Doggy Dog World" is a beautiful world of little puppies!

Haha, oh Gloria. You make so much sense.

Oh, Brother

Sometimes it's hard to understand how the loss of your baby can and will affect other people. I assume that no one in the world could ever miss and love Jack as much as we do. We are his parents, and there is a small hole in our lives because Jack is not here with us. I don't expect anyone to feel even a thimble-sized amount of grief that compares to ours when they think about Jack, because they didn't know him like we knew him. I've assumed that our grief was ours to bear, and ours alone. After all, none of our friends or family got to meet him. I don't expect anyone to feel sorry for us, and I certainly don't expect anyone to miss Jack in the way we do.

I was wrong.

Today, I had lunch with my brother for the first time in awhile. We live in the same city, but he's always away on business and off being important somewhere. So I was excited that we finally found a time to get together. We met at our favorite restaurant, and I immediately launched into a story about whatever trivial things were bothering me today. About 10 minutes into our lunch, my brother asked if I'd like to see his new tattoo he'd just gotten. Sure, I said. This is what he showed me:

J.B. Jack Benjamin. My brother got a tattoo for his nephew Jack who was gone too soon. The look on his face was priceless, and I will never forget it. It was an expression that was mixed with pride, excitement, and hesitation. I could tell he was so happy that he did it, but also worried that I wouldn't like it or think it was an okay thing to do.

Tears are welling in my eyes as I type this, because I can't describe how touched I am by what he did. I guess I just didn't understand how Jack's death has affected my family, and I LOVE the way that my brother has chosen to honor him. In his own way, my brother has shown me the mark that my son has made on his life, and shows me that he won't be forgotten.

It's perfect.

My love/hate relationship with running

I recently committed to running my fourth half marathon in May. Yes, fourth. This proves only one thing: that you could have considered me certifiably insane at least four times in my life.

I am one of those crazies down there. See me?

I am taking on this challenge with one of my besties, Holly over at RIS. This will be our third halfsie together, and usually around mile 10 we start screaming to each other "Why, WHY, did we do this???" But we always make it through!

When I say that I have a love/hate relationship with running, I mean that in every way. The worst part of running to me is the time between putting my shoes on until about mile 1. The buildup to running SUCKS. I am terrified that I'm not going to make it through. But once I get going, my body remembers "Hey, I like this." And I absolutely LOVE how I feel afterward. I feel accomplished. Healthy. Motivated. I sleep better, eat better, and feel amazing.

After all, running gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don't kill their husbands...... They just don't. <--- Ok, that last part was from Legally Blonde, but everything else is true.

So even though I hate running in the cold right now, Holls and I will lace up our tennies and suck it up for the next 12 weeks. Because running is great. And awful. And awesome. And horrible.

And pretty soon I will look like this. Right??? RIGHT?!?!?